Thanks for dropping in. Your thoughts don't make me more unhappy. My H has been going to leave, not leaving for some months now, he would go and come back, unable to live without me. I started the GALing. Out of the blue this week he suddenly decides because I am too slow answering an email that I am having an A and being guided by someone, he comes home in the day and packs up and moves out, yesterday I was accused of hiding my pay - untrue - so he opens his own accounts, withdraws a large sum from our joint account and says that's it.
He even admitted that he had never looked at our account until yesterday and because my pay goes in as cash to him my pay was not going in.
That's it in a nutshell as to what brings me to this current point in my life.
I don't know if he has an OW I asked yesterday but he did not answer me on that point so no denial and no confirmation. There has been suspicions.
Hi Oz, More hugs. I agree with Dia. Your H and mine share some similar traits and one is the outburst and then retreat routine. He'll be back when he's cooled down.
I'll try to ride it out Dia, but I can't help but think that the GALing is what got me where I am now, this is what caused him to think I was having an A.
Well, you'll have to make a decision here. How much autonomy are you willing to give up for his insecurities, and for how long?
Examples:
a) I'm not willing to give up any! I'm not doing anything wrong. I'll do what I can to reassure him, but I have a right to a life, too.
b) Ok, I'll give this up TEMPORARILY, just until this crisis passes. Then we need to have some talks about 'new rules'.
c) I'll give it ALL up forever. His insecurities are far more important than my happiness, etc.
Last edited by Dia; 09/24/0910:09 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Dia, I think I need to make a combination of a and b, will have a think about that, but I believe a temporary reduction in my GALing is in order but not to the extent that I sit at home day and night.
Just got a text from H asking if I still want the bike he ordered for me at work. He keeps asking me this question and whenever I say yes, it just never appears.
I simply replied that I would let him know.
I now have found out he has booked himself a long weekend holiday at the end of October to go to Qld and the weekend he has chosen is his D's birthday.
Hang in there! Each day will get a little easier and easier even though it seems like a horrible nightmare today. If your H has friends who have WAW then yes, he probably is hearing a lot of negative things about women from them. He also sounds very irrational and emotional. It kinda reminds of how children behave with outbursts and more tantrums just before they are going through a huge growth spurt in their understanding of the world. I don't have proof of this but I do look at my H's mlc as him going through a growth internally.
Gee Oz - I thought that bike had turned up ages ago! I think that H's asking was just an excuse for contact and next time he asks about the bike, I would be inclined to say "no, I've gone off the idea".
Typical MLC choosing your D's birthday to go away. Selfish to the last these MLC'ers but really, I do wonder if they do things on the spur of the moment and not realise - remember how I told you my H looked perplexed when I mentioned our WA? It's like they totally forget.
At least he sent a text and, as above, I am sure that is just to keep the contact going. Any excuse will do.
Have a great evening Oz.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I am great, sorry I haven't been here since yesterday, have a lot of news to report but will done once I have a bit more time, have a party to go to now.
But let's just say, the news is all fantastically positive.
H & I had a 5 hour convo last night which went into the early hours of the morning, getting everything out on the table, feelings, anger, suspicions the works and I tell you it was the best thing that could have happened.
