My sitch...long but please indulge me

[pearlharbr]

I'm currently in Colorado. I'm from Seattle which means I'm a temperate climate girl. Plus I don't do humidity well. I've been moving around to get used to worse weather in the hopes that some day I'll be able to handle Chicago summers and winters.

[billclay18]

Yes, the humidity here can be bad, but nothing compared to Fla or Tx. The weather here can go from one extreme to the other, but I've lived here my whole life some I'm used to it.

I'm sending off the D paperwork tonight once I add the sentence regarding the house and splitting any positive or negative equity. There are a couple of other issues regarding her truck (which is in my name) that need to be clearly outlined, but nothing we haven't already discussed.

The proverbial ball will be in her court then .

[billclay18]

Pearl...help me keep my head on straight.

As I said earlier, I replied to the email my W sent Monday regarding the house, saying exactly what I said I would. I sent it yesterday and never heard back which is fine. Either I got thru to her or she's going to pursue it. Doesn't matter either way since there is no equity to split.

She sent me an email today telling me her best friend and H are expecting (he's the guy I went out with Monday night). I waited an hour and replied just saying how happy I am for them and that he didn't mention anything to me the other night. I know I should have waited 24 hrs as you advised, but since it wasn't about us I didn't see the harm. If nothing else my response times (4hrs, 2 days, 1 hr) have been inconsistent...guess that's a 180.

W sent me another email saying she heard my D11 "became a woman" and asked how I was handling it (that happened 3 weeks ago). I haven't replied.

I guess I'm just taken a little aback by her sudden need to tell me about our friends or her interest in my D11's news.

Any thoughts? Just write it off as nothing?

[pearlharbr]

You're doing something different and she's trying to figure out what's going on with you. For whatever reason she wants to be friendly and expects you to be friendly back.

Waiting a day to respond lets the emotional response wear off and lets you see the situation for what it is and respond accordingly.

Different people have different takes on maintaining conversation. The DB line is to treat the WAS like a neighbor, cordial but not overly friendly. If you go dark however that means no friendly chit chat, keeping communication to business only.

So responding about mutual friends makes sense. If your neighbor told you that other neighbors were expecting you would comment on that. But if your neighbor asked about D11 what would you say? If I were in that sitch I'd think that was a private family matter and wouldn't want to discuss it with the neighbors (but my mom would likely have told anyone who asked). Just think about it today and do not reply until tomorrow.

Here's how I viewed BF in my sitch: he was not treating me like a friend so he certainly did not deserve my friendship. He chose to be with OW so he no longer had any right to know what was going on in my life, good or bad. Simply none of his business. And the more I ignored him the more he wanted to know what was going on.

[billclay18]

Do you think I should proceed with mailing the paperwork or let this play out for a few days? If she brings it up I can always say it slipped my mind or I still need to add something regarding the house/equity and haven't gotten to it yet.

[pearlharbr]

If you've already gotten it ready I'd mail it today or tomorrow if it's too late. She won't get it for a day or two anyway. It's been a couple days, right? So you don't want to stand in the way, you just needed to make some adjustments and got around to it when you had time.

Just don't respond right away to any phone call, text or email. Hard as it may be, just sit on it for a day. It gets easier. Turn your phone off or send all the calls straight to VM, or just leave it at home. Do whatever you need to do but do not answer.

Remember, you're taking back control of your life. Things are going to be on your timetable now. She is not the number one priority now, you are. You are busy with GAL activities, and if not, fake it 'til you make it. But I highly recommend really being busy. It's way more fun!

[pearlharbr]

P.S. you can gmail me if you need to talk and I'm not around here.

[billclay18]

Thanks...I may take you up on that.

I revised the paperwork and mailed it. Mixed feelings about it. As I said before...the ball's in her court now.

I really appreciate all your help, I know you have better things to do and I'm sure some of the stories on this site bring back painful memories. People like yourself, Gucci, Puppy, Sandi and others are saints for walking us through this mess.

[pearlharbr]

Yep, you'll still have bad days. Totally understandable and to be expected.

I think the many people who are still around just want to pay it forward. I know I wouldn't have made it through my sitch without all the advice and support I got here. And heck, I still need it!

[billclay18]

Not a bad day...I am actually somewhat relieved to have this off my plate so to speak. I must admit I am torn between wondering if this is the beginning of the end or the impetus that will turn this around. Not sure which would be better...that's kinda sad, huh?