Bbj, the true issue for you and me and others that have been into this for such a long time, is finally decicing that it is time to accept that something broken will not be fixed. Yes, it could, and yes miracles happen, some of them even here, on this forum, but it sure is rare. You know our situations were not the same but not very different either. I am sitting here tonight wondering how much being a stuborn female, loosing a battle, accepting I am weak played a role in my situation. Reality is/has been looking at us in the eye and we just...closed ours.
Divorce sucks. I know, we all know. And we did all we could to avoid it. And guess what? It didnt work. We have no control over the outcome. Maybe it is indeed God's will, maybe it is our own bad choices of the past, but more than anything it is that our partners in life, had a different view of integrity and commitement. We cant affect that. If our kids and past didnt do it, our words wont. If the years together, memories, experiences didnt do it, our words wont. If the fact that we stood for almost 3 years, justifying, excusing, forgiving, loving those men, didnt do it, nothing will. Or maybe, like in my case, time will, but time doesnt wait for anyone. And sometimes, it's too late.
It's all in your head Bbj. You have been disrespected, lied to, used, fooled, left alone, yelled at, ignored, forgotten, replaced. Just like I was. And we were more than brave (or stupid ) to hold on to the idea and hope that things could change. Now you are making the braver decision to let go accepting the fact that this battle is lost.
You have nothing to second guess. I know alot of our mutual friends here, wanted to hit you with 2x4s at times, myself included, for allowing him to play games with you. It's just so common to be able to have a clear head when you are an outsider and have a completely different view when you face the situation.
I asked you what would you do, if God forbid your D was going thru this. What would you advise her with all teh love you hold in your heart for her? Follow your own advice.
Nothing changes with the D for you. You've been alone and lonely. You have your kids and you will have your kids. You have family, friends, your work. You didnt have Dan for quite some time. It's all in your head Bbj. K
) to hold on to the idea and hope that things could change. Now you are making the braver decision to let go accepting the fact that this battle is lost. 
