(1) Its always well worth reminding yourself that the likelihood is that no matter how much sex you have, will never be enough. You'll always want more. I think its part of the male mindset?
I will keep this in mind. I think there is a point at which I will be "satisfied enough" with our sex life though. I feel like I just need a few more things to fall into place. Right now I feel about 50% fulfilled. Anywhere above 80% would be sufficient to not feel like my (sex) life is passing me by. I know it is never going to be "perfect", but that's okay.
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(2) Maybe a way of progressing things is to simply start stating your desire at opportune moments. I'm not saying "monitor" her mood for when she might "agree" to sex (very "Nice Guy"!). What I am saying is, if you feel that centred powerful sexual urge within you (as opposed to wanting sex to cheer yourself up/ make yourself feel better), just communicate it to her there and then with humour and intent: e.g. "I'm looking at you Wife, and I just want to take you upstairs right now and ravish you from top to bottom." You're not asking her - you're simply stating your desire. It puts the ball in her court as to how to respond: "No" "Okay" "Maybe" "Later". The point is to start some sexual interaction and playfulness, leading to tension, which creates the opportunity for her to be sexual in return. Healthy women do want this kind of sexually-charged atmosphere in their marriages, make no mistake. They want to be desired and for that desire to be expressed. They just don't want their men to always "need" to have sex with them, or to react with anger and petulance if they reject them. Does that make sense?
Perfectly. I am actually proud to say I have been doing this, but I can do a better job at it for sure. The playfulness could be worked on. I tend to just be very direct at those times. One good thing is that I never need sex to cheer myself up, so that's no issue. The weekly sessions make it easier in that respect. The thing is, even though I am expressing myself to her, she always says no. The weekly session is her get out of jail free card in those instances.
When she does say no, I do my best not to let it bother me. It doesn't hit me as hard as before, but it is still frustrating that we don't do anything when I really want it most.
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Can I ask - what is the sex like once it gets going?
Sometimes super hot, sometimes lukewarm. It depends on her mood. If something is bothering her she is less likely to get into it (one good step is that I am getting her to talk to me about such concerns prior to our set time so she is not holding onto it). Some days her insecurities get the better of her and get in the way. Other times it has been amazing. It just depends how relaxed and open to me she is.
The trend is positive, that's for sure. As we get used to being together more frequently, the sex itself is improving. I will say that it has never really been bad when it happens, it just didn't happen often enough for my liking. Once she is turned on, she wants it all the way. This is good in one way, but bad in another since she doesn't want me to get anywhere near her unless she is ready to go all the way. She says we can't stop once we start, but the truth is she can't. I can stop, I just prefer not to lol. Especially in the past when things were really infrequent.
The missing piece of the puzzle for me now is a psychological piece. The thing that turns me on most is a woman that wants sex, and wants me to do her. Am I asking too much to want to see her express some kind of sexual desire for me? She does so in the moment, but that is the only time. Unfortunately she does not know or understand how my mind works with regards to desire. If she cares to learn, things might change a lot. It is my job to find a way to share it with her I guess.
Really appreciate you stopping by S&A!
SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
