It sounds as if the kids are more mature than their father!
I am thinking that he's in a MLC. Have your done any reading over on the MLC forum? Whenever a man start acting flirty to see if he "still has it"....that is a pretty good sign that he's in MLC, IMHO. Of course, all men like to know that they still have it, but they don't go to the extremes your H has. If he is embarrassing his children b/c he's being so immature out in public.....that is terrible!
If he is in MLC, it can take anywhere from 3-5 years before he comes out of it. I don't know that his "is" in it or not, but you don't sound like one who could have the patient to stand for it that long. What do you think?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am in North Florida. Good to not be there. That's GALing and being mysterious. He seemed to wonder where you were as he did text you goond night. Good stuff.
OW. Lots of people don't realize the emotional attachment is an affair. They hear "affair" and think of that in a physical way otherwise, it's ok. It's ok to talk to someone. Yes and no. When that person is draining you so you have no more "talk" for your spouse, that's cheating on your spouse.
Him moving out because you posted something on his FB...pretty big sign he's got something going or has his eye on someone.
Yep, that is how it starts. Running long distances with people, especially with people of the opposite sex, builds intimacy. You share hours of time, your share pain and joy, you have build memories together of all sorts: the dorky guy that you just passed, the dog that chased you, the sting of sleet, perhaps the beauty of a sunrise. Personally, I don't think it is a good idea at all to train with someone of the opposite sex. It just isn't something that will help a marriage. And if you told him it bothers you and he still won’t stop that tells me that he values his time with her more than he does his marriage. And that isn’t a good thing at all.
With that said, I think you now know why he really left. You started to interfere with his emotional (at least) affair. So he wants to separate so he can continue this relationship without you there making him feel guilty. Most people don't separate to be alone, they just don't.
Perhaps Puppy or Gucci will come along and give you a plan to shake things up a bit. I'm not the best at plans at the moment.
It is just too bad that you can't train with your husband and start to build intimacy with him. I am a much faster runner than my wife, but I will slow down to her pace and run with her when I can. I just slow down and we talk. Imagine talking with your spouse about something besides bills and kids and things that are broken!
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
THANK YOU so much for your input. I feel understood. I feel relief.
Today is not a day I feel like DBing. I feel like I've run out of patience. I've read some of the other's situations similar to mine and I feel tired already to think of going through it any longer. I hope it's just part of my own rollercoaster ride. I know better than to react on the emotions I have had the past couple days. I've got to remind myself of my reasons for going through this. But today I took off my wedding ring. Just reliving what got me here has me feeling hopeless. And it hurts to know he has his off.
H and I had plans to go to the U2 concert next month and have some awesome tickets. I've been debating whether to ask him for mine. I'm kind of afraid of the answer--that he probably sold it to someone.
I'm wanting to shake things up because I tired of this. But for now I'm sitting tight and trying to come up with a good plan. Or waiting to see how I feel tomorrow.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
When I picked up my race packet for this weekend's 15k race, I saw H's running buddy's name on the list. She's running it too. Well, I know she won't be with him in Gainesville.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
MSN had an article today about emotional affairs and how to know if you are having one. Some people get into one before they realize or admit they are having an EA. Then they are hooked and don't want to get out of it. However, if your H is in a MLC, that is a double whammy.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I learned that H is going to a counseling session alone with the counselor the kids see. I'm happy to hear that he will be speaking with a counselor and he did that on his own. Good for him.
BUT, thinking back to the last time H and I went to this counselor under the intention of getting along for co-parenting, the C said some things that really disturb me and has me concerned that C will mess things up.
At that session H mentioned D and the C said that we are practically D anyway just without the papers. That left us both silent for a while. Then when I saw the C alone, he recommended a support group his associate was starting for women going through D. WTH?? He's formed his opinion about our situation and I do not see him as going to help us. My D told me the C tells her that he doesn't want to see us D and is trying to help us get back together and D was happy about that. He does seem to help the kids, but I'm worried that he will cause more damage to the marriage.
It was last month H mentioned D in C and he said I should see a lawyer myself and see where I stand because he did. I already had and I presented him with the business card of my lawyer right then and there. I was prepared. And it shocked him. Nothing since then. I've been polite and acting detached since then. We haven't had any R talks since then either.
I'd appreciate any input on this... don't know whether I'm right to be concerned about the C.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
I am thinking that he's in a MLC. Have your done any reading over on the MLC forum?
If he is in MLC, it can take anywhere from 3-5 years before he comes out of it. I don't know that his "is" in it or not, but you don't sound like one who could have the patient to stand for it that long. What do you think?
I have done reading on the MLC forum and the WAS forum. I still haven't figured out which one. I think yesterday I was on the really low part of my own rollercoaster in this. Like my name... I'm taking it Day by Day. I'm just concentrating on one day at a time or like Scarlett O'Hara... "Tomorrow is another day." (Hmm... think I shoulda used that name instead.)
Today I feel stronger. I survived through another day of NC. I'm focusing on my own things. I have a 15K race tomorrow morning that I want to do well in and I'll be with 5 of my new friends. This is definitely a 180 that I'm having fun with.
But it is like I have to sit on my hands to not contact him. I miss him a lot. At least my anger is so much lessened. My counselor told me he probably isn't able to get physically close to me because even though I am acting friendly and polite, he can sense my anger. I'm going to work on that.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
Your C does not sound like the one you need. You need a professional who is very pro-marriage and knows how to talk positive about M with your H instead of sounding as if you are almost D.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, I know she won't be with him in Gainesville.
He's formed his opinion about our situation and I do not see him as going to help us. My D told me the C tells her that he doesn't want to see us D and is trying to help us get back together and D was happy about that. He does seem to help the kids, but I'm worried that he will cause more damage to the marriage. 