Can you send that email, and detach? I mean completely?
I can leave her alone completely.
As I type this and try to think of my life without her and think about shaking OM's hand saying high to him, she or I being married to someone else, whatever it makes me hurt really bad. If that's detaching then I am not close to it.
Does your IC help you manage this? You really do need to narrow it down to one moment, one hour, one day. The bigger picture is so difficult. It is what terrorizes me personally. You don't know what the future will be, you really don't
My son was crying once about the fact that he knows I will die one day. I told him I expect to get very old first. He said it didn't matter because knowing I will die made him sad. I told him that by the time I am that old, I will be ready and he will experience it differently (of course he looked confused). I said, think about when you were a little baby and I held you all the time, the idea that you could be away from me for hours was unthinkable. And now, here you are going to school, sleeping over at friends houses. Looking at that little baby, I couldn't even imagine either of us being ok with that separation. As you get older, life will prepare you in ways you can't envision right now. I promise that by the time I go, I will be ready and you will be much more prepared. Right now, I'm here and it does not need to be your concern. That was basically the conversation.
But, my point is that changes happen incrementally and you get through. Your future will be your creation, as things change, you will be prepared each step, for the next. I NEVER thought I could be remotely ok under the circumstances I am living and while it is still rough, I am better than ok most of the time.
Have faith that you will manage one step at a time and givien the certain unpredictable nature of life, try to recognize that your scope is limited right now.
