I took the day off....I'm considering it a mental health day! I'm exhausted, I finished the most pressing work and then just came home....I'm taking today and tomorrow off! I feel bad, but at the same time...I just need some shut eye and home cooked food and a 30 min walk! I want some time....I don't know who it was that told me...but when exH first gave me the papers, I wasn't working and I remember I was complaining I had too much time.....and now its the exact opposite!! HA! Be careful what you ask for, right?
I'm in a PMA, just physically tired....I'm just gonna do nothing all day....and then tonight, I can start cleaning up my apartment. I am normally so CLEAN....and now, I have dishes piling up, bathroom is a mess, carpet needs vacuuming, etc...
Ok....I am going to stop feeling guilty and just enjoy myself. I will not be able to do this next month at all. And I have that test to start studying for as well....AHHHH!!!!!
AND...btw..MJ, I guess xH could be coming back into my life....I am hoping, but you know something...I don't trust him anymore. We are starting out more negavtive (from my end) than when we started out. SIGH. Its stressful feeling this way about him. I have 2 sides battling inside me...one that wants him back for sure and the other that wouldn't touch him, let alone trust him, with a ten foot pole!
That's why even being superfically chatty is more frustrating for me than fun. How can you have "fun" with a person who has done a 180 on you already and has showed you that he does NOT trust you. HOW????
Its almost better for ME if we just don't talk. But, then I start missing him too...GOD only knows....how confused I'm starting to feel. How does one go about doing this? I think I need to find a book on rebuilding after a Divorce and how to deal with resentment and trust issues...I don't know.
Ok. I swear, I am not going to think about anything....just watch some tv, make a lunch and take a nap!
