Being a bad mother is one of the worst things in my opinion to be (other than a bad father).
Actually, if you think about it, in today's culture being a bad mother is far, far worse than being a bad father. Fathers get such a bum rap anyway now of days -- they are automatically assumed to bring so much less than the mother to the parenting table. And with the bar set so low, it's almost expected that a father today will be lacking in parenting skills.
It's a rotten stereotype, of course. And in no way fair or realistic. But it is what it is.
And so when a mother is deemed to be bad, that seems all the more egregious simply because of her gender. A bad mother, so labeled, will carry a far heavier stigma, far greater shame. It becomes a challenge to their very womanhood.
Think of it, a mother being bad, being detrimental to her own children, especially if she's conscious of it.
I sincerely believe that is the chief reason that my xW has fought so hard to resist any notion she has failed or is failing our S's as a parent. Being recognized for her selfish behavior and for putting that ahead of our children's interests would tarnish this reputation she tries to cultivate with her peers. It explains why she would so readily slander me before friends and family, to make me the fall-guy for her destroying our family.
