In Limbo

[The Wifey]

Yesterday had to be one of the most painful days of my life...The wife and I were sitting on the couch around 9pm last night actually having a friendly discussion. She started talking about how happy she is about her job and that things are going well. I just listened and agreed. We started talking a bit about retrouville and the upcoming weekend. I mentioned one of the things they focus on is trying to put the past behind you and moving forward. She agreed that she wants to see if she can do that then all of a sudden:

-When I cancelled the cleaning lady, you mentioned that the toilets were full of mold one day
-Your changes make me sick. Too little too late. Why didn't you do this 16 years ago
-I'm past us.
-I want to be alone with my boys without you
-When you touched my arm this morning, I got anxious.
-I can't even touch you
-I can forgive, but not forget

That continued with her going through several of the things I have done over the past nineteen years. I wasn't this bad of a guy...

Let her vent. Let her get it all out. Learn to listen and respond, not react. There is a difference. If you have a chance to move forward everything has to come out - good and bad.

Of couse, we find out that our kids were listening in. They cried for the next hour about us getting a divorce. With my wife and I telling them we love them. My wife telling them we aren't getting a divorce.

I should have walked away. I thought we could discuss things as adults about our R and Retrouville. We have been getting along so well last couple days. Obviously, it has been all an act.

It was just horrible seeing the pain in my 3 sons eyes last night. They don't deserve this.

It hasn't been an act. She is conflicted. No one wants to hurt their kids no matter how upset they are with their spouse, your wife included.

Learn to stop conversations when they get past your comfort point. Say you want to continue the conversation, but that you need to take a break to compose yourself. Set a time to come back to it.

Take a breath. All of this is painful for her as it is for you. You have time. Nothing fixes itself over night. And hidden feelings will only fester and come back stronger and more painful.