Wife wants best of both worlds

[awest1217]

This is definitely the point where I am except there have been no divorce papers. H says he wants the family to work, but is not willing to let go of the OW. He says it would be great is we could be friends. I have made it clear if we ever get a divorce there will be no friends because that will hurt me and confuse S.

H for a while kept saying the road to come home was nicely paved, but the road to D was a cliff and once he jumped there was no coming back. Now he feels coming home is a lot harder than expected because I have my expectations of how things would have to change concerning the OW. He does not want to do that because he is worried I have not changed. I am trying desperately to show him I have changed by holding my tongue, listening, being attentive, not criticizing, and giving him space.

Maybe focusing on you and what you can do to change yourself to make you happy is the way to go. It could make you more attractive to W and if not it will make you happy so you will be satisfied with yourself.

I really feel for you and understand exactly what you are going through.