Who is this person?

[Day by Day]

I was thinking of not being there on Wed. and going out with a girlfriend for drinks. He will be picking up the kids from a class and bringing them to the house. I answered his email telling him how the kids feel better with him spending time with him in the house and that they love him and miss him. And that it's been good for them to see him more lately. His reply was vague IMO... he confirmed the time and said that "it works out very well for us all". Don't know if that's sarcasm or nice, that's the prob with email. I really don't know how to read any signals.

You are right, let the dust settle... *thank you* I need to remember that. Since I can't interpret his signals well, I'll just keep being polite, friendly and no R talks.

New things? I think I need to get back to that again. I did change a lot of things, my hair color somewhat, got eyeglasses, new clothes, going back to school, rearranged the furniture in the house, started running, and decorating the house more.

I am trying to have more fun now. The crippling pain of him leaving is gone and I can be smarter about dealing with this and DBing. I'm trying to be happier now. "Fake it till you make it."

I'm so grateful for the advice here. I do understand the principles and I'm trying to apply it to my situation.

[sandi2]

I think you may have pushed it a bit in your reply. I was hoping you'd simply tell him that Wednesday was fine and leave it at that. Can you look at your email and see how you "over did it"? If you can't, then you have some work to do at detaching.....but if you "can" see, then that is good b/c we all learn by our mistakes. Has he been getting the kids on Wednesdays? If not, then maybe he is warming up, but please be careful and don't "talk" so much.....lol. We women tend to do that when we are trying too hard.

[Day by Day]

Thank you Sandi for coming back to check on me. H usually gets the kids every other weekend, but he started an MBA that has him going away for 3 days a month of intensive classes. It happens that this weekend he will be going and it is also his weekend with the kids. So, he asked if it would be possible to see the kids on Wednesday after their bible study. He said he had fun spending time with them on Monday.

I replied that he could pick them up after their class and what time. I also said, "And you can bring them to the house. They feel a lot better spending time with you in our home. And seeing you these past couple of days has been very good for them. I'm so happy to see that. They love you so much and miss you.

I hope you have a safe trip to Gainesville and lots of success in your MBA classes.

Wishing you all the best,
Day by Day"

His reply to that:
Good morning DBD, yes, I can pick them up at 7:45 pm tomorrow at the Faith Formation location. That works out very well for us all.

Lots of homework and studying for my MBA. It's demanding but very good experience.

Have a great day,
H.

Brr.. feels so cold.
Yeah, it could have been pushing it with the kids' missing them and loving them, but the kids have been a bit difficult and unhappy with him (of course) and he's been concerned about our son. Wanted him to know that it's been good for them to be in their familiar surroundings. On Friday when I invited him to the movies for our son's bday, he texted me after "Thanks for the invite. It was good to see the kids happy. Have a great wknd." They told him they were happy to go to the movies as a family.

He seems to be warming an eensy bit. And yes Sandi, I am tempted to talk more. But when I postpone it and think it through I'm less tempted.

I am understanding the running away from relationships though. I'm having a hard day myself. (I am on AD anyway) But my dad is in the hospital for the 5th time this year. The family stresses there on top of my M stress is getting to be too much. I don't care anymore. I can see how my H feels. He has mentioned that I wouldn't believe how stressful his job is and he tries very hard to not show it. Add to that a heavy training schedule for running and now an MBA. Not an excuse though. Just understanding it.

Thank you for reading... guess I'm getting it out here so I don't to my H.

[Day by Day]

Today's been a tough day. I've been reading the other topics here and trying to find similarities, some friends tell me to move on & look for another man, and then at my IC and here I get some hope.

I just feel like dropping the rope. It feels like a game of chicken... who can wait the longest to not text or email. He does respond quickly when I do contact him though.

He seems to have GAL and beat me at it. No, I'm not going to beg or plead, I feel defeated. But I still don't want to go through a divorce. My feelings are all over the place.

Just feel like being on these boards is better than speaking with anyone else.

[Stronger]

How long of a drive to Gainesville is it? I assume his classes are with UF?

You did push it a little bit with the kid stuff. Believe it or not, he knows. He knows what he's doing is horrible for the kids and telling him he's doing well with them is the exact same thing as pointing out he's done poorly with them....make sense? He doesn't want anyone to be critical of him as he's having his big man temper tantrum.

Money being tight....I'm with you lady! Money was tight to begin with....this doesn't help.

[Day by Day]

Thanks for the wake-up Stronger.

Makes sense. I'll shut up on that. I thought being positive is helpful. I have seen that he is HYPER-sensitive to any criticism. He snaps at any minor comment that could be taken as a criticism. Our D13 told me that he got mad at her for asking him if he "puked". Strangely he's been throwing up a lot lately. He flew off the handle and told her she was disrespectful for asking that. Huh? He yells at them often saying they are disrespectful and they say he drives aggressively and it scares them.

I don't know how far the drive is to UF (2.5hrs?), but he has to stay overnight those days. They are all day intensive classes. His employer is paying for it all.

I'm going to read the forums to find out more about temper tantrums and how to avoid that mine-field.

So tonight, I'm not expecting him to come to the house but I'll have dinner made "as if" and if he does come inside, I'll be on my way out looking good. I'll be mysterious. "as if" he'd notice. No expectations, only hope.

[Stronger]

Only hope my friend. That's good.
Are you in Tallahassee?

[Day by Day]

Stronger--I'm in Central Florida, where are you?

So, followed the advice and was not home when he brought the kids to the house. I really didn't expect him to take them to the house since it feels like he can't stand to be in my presence. I had dinner ready for the kids and him though. He ended up staying longer than I expected too. He stayed till 9:30, so could he have been waiting for me to show up? I try to get the kids to bed around that time. He sent me a text message that he was leaving the house,thanking me for dinner, that he got S to finish his homework and wished me a good night. I just replied I wished him a good night too. That was it.

D got mad a him and spent half the time in her room with the door closed. She said she told him she's fed up with the situation and for him to quit being selfish and tied up in his own life. She asked what could make him give up being a family. She said he made a joke of her comments and blew them off which made her mad. She said he also looks very tired and he even fell asleep on the sofa. She told me she's sick of his running and his obsession to qualify for Boston and wishes he would grow up. Both kids say they are embarassed of his childish behavior in public. Probably wasn't good that D pressured him.

Hard to practice this detachment and lessening of contact. I'm just going keep working on making myself happy and praying. "True happiness comes from within." And keeping hope. I know I should get back to more 180s. Just wishing for a sign that there's progress in myself and the R.

[Esox]

Hi Day,

I'm a marathoner too, and have been one for over a decade.

It seems to me that you are doing as well as one can expect.

A thing about running, who does he train with? I ask because I've seen it so many times, people of the opposite sex that train together get attached. They just do. I train alone because I've felt the attachment in the past. I'm not trying to scare you, just making you aware of something that I've noticed.

Take care.

[Day by Day]

Thanks Esox,

Hmmm... well, that's what our big fight was about. I am jealous of his running partner. A blond, cute twenty-something who he says is engaged. Here's the story that I didn't start off with:
Back in Jan. I met him at the finish of a marathon and he was desperate asking where is A? It put me off that he was so concerned for her. He said he just wanted to know how she did since they were running together. Then in March there was a corporate 5k and I met her. Very friendly has lots of friends. She was asking me if I was going with my H to the Marine Corp marathon... I thought stupid question, of course I would, I support him in all his marathons. This got me bothered and I told him I didn't like him running with her. At this time he joined FB and started adding lots of single women from his running group and said not many men he knows have FB. (BS)

In May before our fight I told him I'm very bothered about him running with a single woman and it's inappropriate. I saw on his FB that she said she'd met him in 5 after work which was new because he always ran in mornings before work. I got furious with him because he hid it from me... bad sign!! He said there's nothing going on and she's engaged. She has a photo of her BF on her profile. But his profile has the same photo. I know, Cheaters LIE. Well, I blew up and lost it. The fight was ugly. I posted on his FB that I hope he won't be running on Mother's Day to spend it with me and that p*ssed him off. He took me off as a friend and deleted my comment. The next day he moved out to my SIL's house and has been there ever since.

He denies and swears to his mother and grandmother there is no OW and is offended (holy cow) that I doubt him. He is deeply offended the kids heard us fighting and he is humiliated. Ugh. I haven't proved there's OW, but the signs are there to me and incredibly he keeps denying it. I found on FB pictures of the weekend of the blow up of him with a different blond hugging her. He apologized and said it was inappropriate behavior. He was flirty and trying to get the attention of other women before this all happened and I called him on it. He said he said he just liked to see if he still "had it". Another bad sign.

I don't know if now almost 5 months later if there is now a OW. Don't feel like finding out. He says he's too busy with his own life to have anyone in it.

So guess I needed to get out this other info on my situation. I'm pretty disgusted with it all. I hate this flirty man he's turned into and doesn't think he's playing with fire running with single women. I was and still am bothered by his attachment to his running partner.

Don't know what to do about this.