SO THEN GO WITHOUT HIM. You can ask him to do things, but you have to make it clear I WILL STILL GO WITHOUT YOU. I’M NOT GOING TO GO WITH YOU, I’M GOING BECAUSE I WANT TO AND H, YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF MY LIFE.
Really Swimming….you’re going to drown here. You are doing NOTHING for you because YOU want to. You do everything hoping for a positive reaction from him. His behavior is predictable and childish, but yet you stress out about it. He will be nice, then mean. When he’s nice you’re on top of the world, when he’s mean you’re stressed. Go back and read all of your posts…..did you REALLY not see this crap coming, this mean week? I did and
I don’t live with you.
If you’re sick of the game, stop playing it. If you want him to come out of the basement and put his ring back on MAKE CHANGES IN YOU AND STOP LOOKING AT HIM!.
Here’s an analogy for you….I do well with analogy to help me better understand crap.
You are sitting in front of your mirror. You want to look super good for your day with H. So you start to put on your make up. H walks in. You stare at him as you are putting on your make up, hoping to see a positive reaction on his face….one that shows he likes your makeup, they way you look.
Well at first he smiles. This pleases you. You continue to put on your make up. You’ve got on your base and powder and before you start to put make up on your eyes, you look at him. He’s not smiling as big. Uh-oh.
You hurry and start to work on your eyes, you look at him, one eye done, he’s REALLY not smiling now….so instead of thinking ‘screw him, this is my face and I have to show it to the world and I like my make up’ you continue to stare at him and not what you should be concentrating on…..YOU.
So you continue this futile effort of putting on your face, and you continue to stare at him hoping he’ll smile and be pleased and nice to you and all the while, you continue to make yourself look like a crazy ass clown, which in turn horrifies your H. And now he REALLY does NOT want to be around you. Which is understandable, you look crazy. Literally, all this concentration on trying to get him to react positively to you, you made yourself look like Bozo the Clown, which hey, let’s face it, isn’t sexy.
Now imagine it this way.
H comes in to watch you put on your make up. Hell, your kid is there too. You ignore them both. This is your time. This is for you. You concentrate on you. You apply your make up exactly as YOU like it and no one else because after all, it’s your face. When you’re done, you are PERFECT, just the way you like it. And guess what? You are looking pretty damn good, and H notices. You see a small smile as he turns to leave the room. All you need to think is “Hmph. Glad he likes it, but more importantly, I love it.”
Do you get this? Do you understand?
You will never change him directly. You can only change him indirectly. And that starts with you. Read my thread later. I hope this helps you.
