H came home around 9 and we put the baby to bed and we were talking.
He said something, I can’t remember what but I went out on a limb and asked him “Are you and I getting along so well because you want to show me post divorce we could be friends, or are you really trying here to reconcile?”
He said “You and both know we can be friends in any circumstance if we want to be.” I answered with “So, you are trying here, toward the relationship?”
He thought about it and said “I’m trying to see what could happen.”
I said “Good stuff.”
I went on to tell him, another friend asked me not too long ago “How can you forgive H for all he’s done and what’s happened?” I told H that I answered with the truth. And the sad truth is, I don’t know that there was anything H could have said or done that would have gotten my attention other than what happened. I have proof that H tried to talk to me, to reach out to me that he was unhappy. Now, I do NOT think H set out to have an EA or PA or whatever with the express purpose of teaching Stronger a lesson, or as a way of reaching me. I think he did what he did because he was that unhappy and really did want out of the marriage. And that is the main reason why I want and can get past this last year. I know H wasn’t trying to hurt me as much as he was trying to get out. And I do understand my role in getting us to the point where he did leave the marriage. I think there’s a lot to work on BOTH sides, but I think we can do that, if we both want to. And at this point, it has to be both sides working now. “And that’s why I just asked you that question.” He nodded and said “Well, if this girl (he taps my knee) was here the whole time, we would have been ok.” He gave me a kiss and we snuggled up and fell asleep.
That one comment, “If this girl…” was pretty huge for me. I see it as good things on the horizon as I’m very comfortable and happy with “this girl” myself. She feels more like me, the old me that I really enjoyed being but with some matured improvements....not sure how to describe it really.
This morning. I wake up and said “I’m going for a run since you’re here.” He said “Sounds good.” (H is normally at work very early, around 4 am so a morning run for me is not the norm and I took advantage this morning.) While I was getting ready to go for my run (about 6 am) his phone is beeping. I didn’t think much of it really. I go for my run (it was great, new music on my Ipod!) and come back. As I’m getting ready to shower, S is awake now and running around, his phone goes off again. I said “Who’s texting you so early?” He says “Who do you think?” I name one of the golf guys. H says “No, it’s ex-OW.” Believe it or not, I was shocked. Because he’s not been protecting his phone in the last few weeks like he once did, I just guessed there was no more contact of any kind. I said “Oh…..what’s her problem?” He said “She’s got an upset stomach and there’s no one else awake right now so she’s bugging me about it.” I said “Oh. Does she not know you have the day off?” H says “She either doesn’t know or doesn’t care. Hard to say with her.” I asked “Did you tell her you were off today?” He said “To be honest, I don’t think I did. I think she knows I’m going golfing this weekend, but honestly, I really can’t remember if I told her or not. We really aren’t communicating much anymore.” I said “Right on.” I dropped it. Later he tells me, “You know I NEVER contact her first and she really doesn’t text me much either. Only when she’s having a crisis because she thinks I care.” I answered “Well, if you respond, then she thinks you care.” He said “Sometimes I don’t. And when I do, it’s pretty simple and silly crap because I don’t care anymore.” I said “Well, the rule still remains….this kind of thing will not be done in front of me. I don’t think I’m out of line setting that boundary.” Threw a little DB lingo at him, not that he knows that. And again, I dropped it.
Then when S and I were leaving, lots of hugs and kisses good bye since S and I will be in VA until October 3. I slipped and said “We’ll miss you.” He said it back though. But I wish I hadn’t slipped.
Over all progress. Not that long ago, this would have been a HUGE gargantuan blow up between us….like bringing a mostly naked street walker to church. Today, it didn’t even qualify as squeaky fart in church.
Good stuff.
This day is going to drag on because I leave for vacation.
