Liz, thank you for your sweet words you posted on my thread.
My heart goes out to you about your stitch. I wonder if your H said what he did about the porn b/c he knew that is how you felt and how he figured that he "should" feel....but the fact is that he didn't truly feel that way at all. Our old sin nature over-rides what the spiritual nature tells us. Plus, our society tells us that porn, masterbation, etc., is perfectly normal and nothing is "wrong" with it. So, it causes confusion for people.
When I was first M, I was so innoncent that I bordered on the line......well, no I didn't border....I "was" a prude! I was not raised around anything that exposed me to things like that and I didn't even read books on sex. I was extremely sheltered. I'm surprised I knew where babies come from! So, you can imagine my shock when I found out that my H enjoyed looking at magazines that had sexual pictures.
I don't know, but I suspect your H wants to please you and do what you want him to do.....but his "nature" gets the best of him. People can control most of what they "want" to control. He'll have to decide what is more important to him. However, if he is addictive (and he probably is) then it won't be easy for him to leave it alone.
I cannot stand for people to lie, but I have known some who seem as if they had no control over that either. It was almost a way of life with them. They would lie when the truth would serve the purpose better. Has no logic. I don't know how to deal with that part, expect to call him out on it. I have learned that the longer a person gets by without giving an account of his/her lies, the more they will continue to lie about everything. I think they get to a place that their lies even become real to them (in some cases). I have had three people in my family with that "problem" and it drives me insane. They started when they were kids, and people ignored it thinking they were just telling "tall tales", but then they grew up and it got worse. So, I believe in calling them out whenever they are caught in a lie. It does then no good for them to get away with lying.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
