Looking for input here, I am starting to get ticked. Just got this email from H: "I know you were busy last week with work but I really need you to think about the separation agreement. I know this isn't what you want and you're probably dragging your feet because of that but you need to know that this is what I want. I would like to do this as amicably as possible and with as little lawyer involvement as possible, so please put some thought into what I said."
Little does he know I've done nothing BUT think about this. I am thinking of firing off this reply:
"I understand you are in a hurry but I wonder why you assume I am not thinking about this? I have been interviewing L's, and giving thought to huge life decisions in the last 2 weeks. I have to say I am really suspicious about your "need" to rush this. You have had 5 mos. to decide, now I get a week?"
or something like that. I know this is not DBing, but I really feel like letting him have it. I'm sure sending it while I'm ticked is not a real good idea. Like Rabbit said, a spade to H's head is looking like a real good idea right now!
Karen if you are around, I know you said to let Ls negotiate. I am willing to discuss but not before I hire a L. I am deciding between 2, should I give him the courtesy of this info or just keep reply blunt? I refuse to let him rush me. What do the experts think is a good reply here? Thanks so much for any insight.
I had the exact same thing from my w. when she hit me with this. I just kept calmly tellingher that while she had been planning this for a while, it was new to me and was going to take some time for me to respond. I told her I was interviewing lawyers and that I would respond as soon as I found one that I was comfortable with. If your state has a cooling off period you might reference it as well.
Hi Clueless, Thanks so much for your reply. I know I should stay calm. Not sure about the cooling off period, it that some type of law? Maybe I'll call one of my consults & ask. Sounds like you have handled your situation well! This type of pressuring is really out of character for H, I don't want it to throw me. Thanks so much for taking time to answer! LFA
Yeah a cooling off period is kind of like a gun waiting period for divorces. Basically it says you have to serve papers and then wait a fixed period before you can get the divorce. You can find out pretty easily if your state has one through a google search. If your h. follows my w.'s pattern he will calm down and slow down at some point. In the early days she was so desperate to keep the momentum going she put all sorts of pressure on me. The hard part, and beleive me I know how hard this is, is to find a way to not allow the pressure and tantrums to disturb you. Stay strong and know that there are better days ahead.
C, Thank you! He's been on the D kick for about a month or so now, so hopefully you're right. You're right, not letting him stress me is a big challenge right now! Thanks so much for sharing, I hope things are going better for you. In this messed up world I'm in - we're all in - it's such a help to hear from others who have gone through this. Many thanks again!
OK, Looking for input here. Is this a no brainer? Yesterday afternoon, got an email from the 1st L I saw for a consultation.
"I know that you are hesitant about going forward with the process, but I do believe that it is time to make a decision and let me represent you, if I am your preference. Your husband may not be interested in waiting and I imagine that it would be beneficial to the inevitable process to let him know that you have a lawyer. Let me know if there is anything that you need from me."
Has anyone ever gotten such a msg. from an L? My IC had me set a goal of deciding on which L by next week, as 1st step toward feeling more in control. I am deciding btwn her & one other L.
Hope this is not too frivolous of a matter to ask. Just wondering what others make of this. She may be too eager for me. Wish I could trust my gut more these days. Thanks for reading.
Hey LFA. I would recommend going with your gut. I know one of the first casualties in this process for me was confidence in my instincts (which makes sense). That seems a bit "salesy" for a lawyer. Trust your instincts.
Hi LFA.. Just wanted to say that like many on here, your H sounds just like mine! I was shocked at how quickly he wanted to get he divorce rolling. He, too, said he was miserable for years and is just 'done' with the marriage (no counseling, no trying, nothing) It became quite clear to me why he left so quickly, he had an OW waiting for him. I may have skipped osme of your posts, do you know if there is an OW?
Feel free to review my sitch, I feel like I'm a few months ahead of you on this roller coaster
Me: 36 H: 33 S1: 4 S2: 2 Together: 13 years Married: 7 years Bomb: May 09 Found out about affair: June 09 Moved out: June 09 He Filed: July 09 Moved in with OW: July 09
CL & DBurt, Thanks so much for your input. You're right, confidence in my own decision making is not strong, at the time I need it most. Thanks for the moral support. I am informing her now of my decision. It seemed weird to me too that she's pushing me, kind of presumptuous. I did call her twice after initial consult, maybe she thought I was taking too much of her time? Anyway, cant' deal with more people pressuring me! Thank you both for for checking in & I hope things are going well or at least OK for you!
Calliope, I will check out your thread. Thanks so much for your reply. I do suspect an A. Could be an EA, or a PA. I was in denial for several mos. after the bomb, & when I asked him of course he said no. But thinking back to the past 6-9 mos., the clues are there. He calls the person I suspect a "close friend". Also informed me in June that she got separated too! And, he dog-sat at her house while she vacationed, I know they talk alot & did even before he dropped the B.
H has had a history of women friends though, that were really only friends, i.e. a female roommate, yrs. before we met. But what's made me conclude there's something up is this push since Aug. to "finalize" things. Being REALLY pushy, & that is not his normal nature. Although there is little remaining now of what was the guy I thought I knew, my H.
Anyway, I'll definitely stop by your thread. Thanks so much for taking time to check in. The support I get here is truly a lifesaver. Hope things are going OK for you. LFA
