It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

Sent an email tonight to W about a medical test she has to have done. I have issues w/ hospitals, especially if someone I care about is the one who needs help. We had an incident when we had started seeing each other where somebody put something in her drink at a concert. She passed out and went away in an ambulance and I spent most of the night finding the right hospital. That was when I officially knew how much she meant to me.

Here's the email:

Hi,

I haven't any right asking this. But after my operation "down there" I can't not ask if I can be there for you for your test. I was going to take the bus home after my operation and it was a good thing Stacy was there.

I understand all the reasons why but the need to protect sometimes overwhelms. It's intrusive, I know. You don't need the help, but the whole thing worries me (can't be helped, sorry). There are people who will help you I'm sure and I trust they can do a better job than me. It's selfish, I know. To you, the whole thing isn't a big deal but I freak out a little when hospitals are involved. Things kind of began for us with you in the hospital, so I can see why it would be too hard for you. For the same reasons the image of you in a hospital bed is terrifying.

You don't need to tell me it's dumb to ask. The answer is "no," so no response won't bother me. But I would feel worse not to at least offer.


She called me and said yes. We had a good conversation but I ended it quickly to deal w/ a problem w/ one of my sister's dogs. There was a disappointed tone.

Later, when I called to talk to our Ds, W got on the phone to tell me all about D(13)'s extracurricular accomplishments. It felt good for her to be excited to talk to me something we share. I just don't want to take it too far out of context.

Should I take this as a positive sign for the R? I think so, but I'm confused and don't want to get my hopes up too much.