Bewildered

[KiwiMan]

Anyone got any comments on my idea above? I just cannot understand why she made the decision, and didn't want to agree to a trial period or counseling (I don't think she beleive in it). She said she made the decision based on gut feeling.?

Just a bit rough at the moment, this is the only place I can get my feelings out. Thanks again

[pearlharbr]

Do NOT initiate any talks about the relationship. It will not do any good and will push her further away.

I know it's hard right now and you just want to know why. But you're going to have to try to let it go. You may get to a point later where you can discuss it but for now just put a pin in it.

You need to focus on GAL (getting a life) activities and 180s.

[pearlharbr]

BTW, the best way to get other people to comment on your thread is to read others and comment on them. You may not feel like you're in a position to give advice but you can just lend your support.

[dburt]

Financial problems can really add to the WAW syndrom. Do we have a plan to get out of debt, it may be time to lead the family over this financial hurdle. What do you do for a living, can we get extra income? Let's start manning up, you may have to kill something and drag it back to the cave. Are you getting me?

Burt

[Deep]

A lot of us LBS has gone through the I love you but not in love with you bs.

It's part of the delusion, the good news is that people can snap out of it, but it can be a long hard road.

It's possible, even probable actually that there is an OM. Your W is behaving like the typical "grass is greener on the other side" mode. I don't think you're competing with a vision of life by herself.

No point asking. Find out if you have to, and work on yourself in any case. She's lost respect for you.

For what it's worth, I would have literally bet my life my W wasn't in an A till I found indisputable proof. And you would not have believed how sincere and convincing she, like any WAS, can be when they deny having "a special friend".

[KiwiMan]

Yeah, thanks for your replies. I will start posting more on other peoples threads too.

Deep - Yeah, Its hard to get the thought that there is someone else out of my head. All of her friends and family have said there isn't and she isn't interested at the moment.

BUT - The biggest sign to me is like what you said. She is willing to just give up on the marriage without trying any other methods of help. Leaving Kids, 10 years together behind without trying external help.... must have a plan of what she is doing...

Argh..... There are no signs at all however, and I have been checking. The only way to know for sure would be to tap her mobile or check text messages, but thats a bit hard when she doesn't live with me!

[KiwiMan]

I just received my Divorce Remedy book... time to start reading

[KiwiMan]

There seems to be alot of info in the DR book for the spouse leaving aswell... it seems that this is all the stuff she needs to know, to get through to her..

Damn, I so feel like giving her the book!

[undrdg]

Hey kiwi
I just read your sitch and it is eerily similar to mine even our ages are the same!
I am right there with you man.
I have to agree with puppy and all the others about the A. I swore up and down there was no other man, but lo and behold the ex boyfriend showed up.
I confronted her about it and she has been honest and open about it.
I do think that money is a huge concern in these marriages especially now a days. My wife was quick to point out many other faults but tip toes around the financial side of things. I think it is much bigger than they want to admit as they might think it is too superficial.
HOwever, consider the financial side of the relationship more of a security blanket. If the woman does not feel safe in the relationship why would she stay?

i am struggling with that aspect of our lives now. We are going through bankruptcy.
My wife has said many times that she lost trust in me because of financial decisions i have made.
It is going to be hard to change those things, especially when we live apart half the time.

The only thing that i have going for me is that she is still very much attracted to me.

Use anything to reconnect with her. Be the man she fell in love with but be that man with a plan.

[KiwiMan]

Thanks undrdg,

Yeah, I have already confronted her about the possiblity of another man, before I got onto this site. And everytime she has denied it. (I said that if she wasn't being honest with me and I found out anything different in the future it would effect the outcome of our relationship as far as parents to the children etc went) But that was all said 2 weeks ago now.

If I did find out that something was happening with another guy, at least in my mind it would hurt like hell, but also enable me to move on easier.

I just hope that she really meant what she said in feeling lost etc etc, and that me using the proper techniques can assure her that I can change... watch this space I guess.