It's too hard sometimes

[ClingingToHope]

I was struck by how I was being systematically removed from my own family. She has every right to make the place her own and to be more comfortable there.

Should I get all of my stuff out now?

Boy that's a hard one. I remember about three weeks into the separation that she'd removed all pictures of me. She still has a photo up of my mother and grandfather though.

We were really heading downhill for 3 1/2 months before I started a marriage rebuilders class at my church. It was seven sessions and I was struck by how much I HAVE been doing wrong.

I've been blaming her for the separation because I thought I'd been working so hard to keep things together for the past three years. But everything I tried backfired. I didn't have anyone to tell me I was doing everything wrong.

I wish I'd known about this class five years ago. The hard part now is that I know I'd be a better husband if we reconcile, but its 100 percent up to her to give me that chance. That's why DBing is sooooooo hard. I want to run over there and say "I know I screwed up and need to make changes and I'm finally ready. Can I come back."

She's not ready for that and may never be and I've never been very patient. That's the key here, patience, and I don't know if I can make it.