Wife wants best of both worlds

[ClingingToHope]

I am also jealous of her right now. From my perspective she seems to have everything. She has her freedom, she gets to see and have the kids based on our parenting plan, and when she does not have them, she gets to spend her free time with the OM who provides her with everything else she needs. I realize this is not a very healthy way to look at things but it is hard not to do so at this point in time.

Welcome to the club. I never knew how hard being separated would be. I'd love to just to go NC with my W for the next month, but I see my kids every day after school, the W has a stressful job and asks me to take them extra nights, go home to see them when she's going to be late, etc. I love my girls so extra time is precious -- but it does make it hard to move on.

The thing I'm trying to stop doing is any extraneous contact -- no texts or calls unless it specifically has to do with the girls.

Weird thing is it's turning out to be harder the weekends I have the girls because I keep imagining things she's doing. She was spotted a few weeks ago at the county fair with another man. She said he was just a friend and there was nothing to worry about. But to that point I'd never even thought about her being with another man.

That caused so much pain and I don't even have hard proof so I can't really imagine what you are going through.

Best advice is work on yourself. Get a book, His Needs, Her Needs. It talks about how the five top emotional needs for a man are the five bottom ones for women and the five top emotional needs for a women are the five bottom ones for a man.

And if you aren't meeting her five top needs or she isn't meeting yours, the marriage is susceptible to an affair because the needs are so strong she'll seek them outside of the marriage. You said the OM and her have some kind of connection. He's filling an emotional need that you aren't. If you can figure that out then there's no need for someone else in her life.