It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

During the last week of no-contact with W I recently had a profound epiphany about myself and the selfishness which put me in this position. (I'm at my sister's after agreeing 1 month ago to a 3 mo. trial separation. A week in she told me she wanted D.) My realization wasn't about self-loathing, but about accepting how lazy, childish and destructive I was on our family. I let my family down for years and worse, agreed to leave them behind.

Today I spoke to W and all went well until the end. I was struck by how I was being systematically removed from my own family. She has every right to make the place her own and to be more comfortable there.

Should I get all of my stuff out now?

Should I tell her I want more NC time or just avoid contact or keep pretending (badly at times) that it doesn't effect me?

The permanency and sincerity of her decision to end the M is taking its toll on me. I just can't accept that this is the right decision. Not just in a selfish way (there is some of that) but also the toll on the kids--d(13) and d(10). And that I believe W truly does love me still but is avoiding those feelings to avoid the pain.

We have fractured a family that still has a chance to heal and grow even stronger if we choose to make an effort. I married my W with the promise not to give up and I won't as long as I believe it is right. But this is hurting and it's hard to pretend to be supportive about her independence when it's about removing me from her life!

Looking for some guidance...

Thanks