well rocked, something to try would be... AGREE with him.
It's probably the only thing you haven't done so far (I could be wrong).
When he says that we were never meant to be together, tell him in a backwards kind of way where you seem like you're starting to question your own original views on this.
The next time he discusses the separation/divorce and tries to convince you that you were never meant to be, don't explode at him, do the oppposite, go quiet, pause for several seconds and then say..."... maybe you're right".
Agree with him.
Yes it sounds like we're playing a game, and this is all a big game, that's how I view this, once you learn the rules you get better at the game.
He's trying to convince you so much of this, let go of the struggle. Pretend to agree with him.
The next time you're at home together, I want you to get all dolled up, makeup, hair, clothes, shoes, the whole bit and I want you to make it look like you're going out on a date. Seriously, you could take a drive to the far side of town and go to a movie or go visit a friend you haven't seen forever or drive to the next state or rent a hotel room somewhere and spend the bulk of the evening and return late at night, 2 or 3 am in the morning.
If he asks where you are going, you tell him you're going out. If he asks again, out with a new friend. You don't have to tell him it's a girl friend or guy friend, just out.
The next time he brings up the separation, tell him that he's absolutely right and offer to help move him out.
You have to make it look like he's been holding you back and that it's time for you to spread your wings. You have to act like the walk away wife that you read so much about on these forums - that's what will prompt him to act differently. Fear of loss/crisis is the only real way to get him to react differently. If he starts believing that you're done with the marriage and you are starting to date other men, it will send his thought process for a loop.
Currently he's calling the shot, making the decisions and you're struggling with all of this and you're against it. Stop struggling, agree with him when he says that separation/divorce is the thing to do, agree with him that you weren't meant to be.
Start going out regularly, start looking better, acting confident and on top of the world, dress better, work out, even go tanning if you're able to, get a new hairstyle, new perfume, something younger and different, get a makeover at the cosmetics counter, start investing resources in you and not him.
When you stop fighting with him and start agreeing with him, his feelings won't be against you, we go against those that go against us. When you start agreeing with him and then start planning to go out regularly without telling him where you are going, you will add mystery to the mix, his brain will start formulating possible ideas as to why you are acting this way.
We want what we don't have - basic human nature. He has you pretty easily, that's why in his mind, your value isn't as high. We don't appreciate what we do have, things that we have easily because those things don't draw attention - he doesn't appreciate you, he has you easily.
You agree with him on the separation & divorce, you agree with him on not being meant for each other. You start going out regularly and make yourself unavailable to him. You start limiting your contact and communication with him. You stay out late without calling and come home late at night.
You turn this around, you put the possible fear of loss in his mind and he will begin to reconsider his position because it's at that point, he's getting what he wanted and it won't turn out the way he expected. He expects you to struggle against this, let go of the rope, stop pulling him towards you, create some space.
Good luck, if you try any of this, journal what happens here so you have a record of what's going on. One other piece of advice, patience. It took you a while to get into this mess, and it will take you a while to get out of this mess: slow & steady. In this db'ing game, slow is fast, fast is slow.
