Julia, I guess from this I've recognised that H still doesn't want to let go entirely. However, words are easily spoken and his actions will tell the real story. This is not an opportunity for him to jump back on the cake eating train. This time he has to initiate contact or I will return to nc status. I still love him and would love to sort this out but it's certainly not going to be at 'my expense'.
I learnt that my nc did have an impact. I did say earlier both that he might not have noticed and then that he couldn't care less that I was nc but it appears I was wrong. I know now I can NC and it brings personal strength and a way forward.
Yesterday's return call and convo shows him I am still approachable and in that convo I did acknowledge my faults too so I think we have a pretty clear base. In the convo I mentioned the dinner we had after s's formal and I said I really enjoyed it and I know you did too (he text me to say so) and he didn't deny. If he now chooses nc I will take steps to wrap up quickly. In fact, for some time I had been considering changing my name back and your bank actions inspired me to look into that.
Now as far as the behavioural patterns...good questions. I normally initiate and it's usually around family; meals together or school/sporting events. we have met for coffee just the two of us quite a few times but not for months. I agree that it's a chance to mix things up but it's a softly, softly approach too. I think I need to wait a little bit to see if I hear from him. Then.......... well I've got no idea! I have previously stuck with the family/coffee scenarios as they are 'safe' and he is more likely to accept.
I am thinking that I need to tap into his interests that I could participate in perhaps.... flying, concerts and walking on the beach. I would have to keep my detached stance here so that I handle rejection carefully. Of course, his new house is another thought. Anyway, all this rambling may be for nothing. He could just be luring me back in!
