Good advice. Had a lot of insights yesterday and this morning. Helped me to see how we get tangled and my part in that mess. Also saw how to untangle. Kind of like detachment but a more personal version based on my past.
It also allowed me to reach a point (at least for two days) where I stop holding onto the relationship if need be. This week off and no kids, showed me what it would be like. There are things I don't like and some things that I do like. (like running around home improvement stores shopping for the house with two young crazy contractors who just happen to be very funny, like what they do, and do quality work) They made me laugh today. THat's a good thing.
I called H today, it is our anniversary and I had pretty much told him early in the week to forget it. So, I called to see if he wanted to go to dinner and if not I would understand. He called back to say that he very would like to if it meant that I was on board to work in rebuilding the M - if on the other hand I just wanted to go to dinner b/c of the day - he would politely turn me down.
So we are going to dinner will let you know how it goes. In the mean time he had a lot of positive things to say to me - and took responsibility for a lot as well. Good start, but I reminded him that we need to go slow - very slow! No preset outcome, no guarantees, just starting from scratch at trust and forgiveness. He wasn't thrilled but validated the point.
So, today compliments, positive thinking, positive talk, validation and easily admitted his feelings to me. I was overwhelmed and told him so - asked him to back up a little - so the things that rip us apart can be healed and resolved.
Trying to do what I want to do without fear. I doubt he will go anywhere - but I made it clear and will repeat it to him - that he has to be honest with himself knowing what he knows now. Just as I am reevaluating and looking to see what can done or not.
