Bill and friends, dont give up on me...yet. I am not falling for my stbxH. Yesterday, I told him I dont think I can do this. It is too much. And that is still true. All this hurt and disappointment is there and he caused it. I cant even imagine being alone with him for more than 5 minutes. My heart is not into this. Sad but honest. It feels like food you try to reheat for the 50th time. It feels like...settling. Yes John, you told me so. And yes, I have promised I am not settling. And it wouldnt be settling for someone that treats me badly, it would be for settling for someone that treats me nicely (in the beginnig at least) but someone that I am not in love with and do not admire.
How do you reverse all that? Do you try? Do you quit? I am not doing anything. Yetsreday when I cried on the phone, I cried and told him so, because I was talking to him, thinking what we once were and comparing that with what we are. Two lonely people, caught in a "trrap" together, with bad timing, wrong feelings, hurt and too many grey areas. I did feel better when he said, it was all his affair. For the first time he admitted that. That made ME feel better, not towards him.
So Bill, dont get upset with me, this is a process again. But I am not innocent anymore. Which means, I can protect myself. K
