He wants a little Barbie doll that he can dress and pose as he likes, carry around with him and play his little pretend games. The doll has no wants, no thoughts or feelings, and no autonomy save those which he imparts to her.
THAT'S what he wants.
Patricia Evans (Author of "The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it & How to Respond") calls it "being his teddy-bear".
Same concept... no separate individuals (the two literally become "one") When you attempt to show him you think, feel or act differently than he.. he will attempt to control, gaslight, or verbally abuse you.
Spouses who are exposed to this treatment over time describe themselves as 'invisible', "a chameleon", "drowning", "suffocating", "hidden behind a wall"..
When confronted with their behaviour.. they tend to rebel and it gets worse because it goes against their core value of who they believe themselves to be... they don't want to see themselves as you see them.. it's too ugly.
Find your own strength, set your own boundaries in a way that is safe.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
