Yeah, I meant it in the sense that it is easier to suggest someone else let go that it is to actually let go yourself. Its middle of the night posting where I am so my point can get a bit lost too.
But your sure picked a rough couple of days for me too. It seems to me the path I need to take that is getting me results in my sitch needs me to stay open to connect the week or so H is here, we connect just a little bit more, I then get the fallout, have to go back and detach taking several days to reach the unconditional love just in time for the next small reconnection. If I am detached when H is around, I get too detached and it creates a wedge driving us further away.
I get through my time with H by living in the moment (impermeance) as much as possible during that time, I can't even come on here as it pulls me out of that zone I need to focus on Acting As if all is ok so much.
I need to smooth it out, but I am getting results so don't think I should make major changes just now. Yesterday I was really wishing H could have just opened his mouth and told me what was on his mind instead of hours of minor humiliation, even though I still had a good evening. Just not needed and so unlike old H, poor me! Today I have now let that weekend go and feel better. I think I had better go re-read some of my zen books this week, must add that to my list!
Not trying to be stand-offish or anything....
You just didn't seem like you...
Storm, look, If you are getting results, that is good.
I just have one question for you with all this craziness...
Are YOU too high of a price to pay for a restored marriage?
My first aim was to steer our ship into calmer waters out of crisis mode into a holding pattern. I reckon after 12 months it finally is feeling like the ship slowed down, turned and is now maybe in a position to head towards the calmer waters. If I was not seeing the results I am seeing, I would not continue. In the last three months I seem to have gone from getting respect, relaxing with H 20% of the time to more like 70% of the time.
I have no problem in general with the idea of going solo, I have the skills. The last couple of weeks is the closest I have come to throwing in the towel, and on several occasions. Trying to keep no expectations is probably harder now than when things were more crisis.
I do have good friends on the alt keeping a close eye on me, they just don't get the MLC aspect of it which is cool. I do probably need to look after myself a better, so doing that first would be a good start. Developed insomnia that I should sort out, a bit harder with toddlers who wake during the night. I did start thinking of that today and have arranged a two hour power walk (with prams and bikes) to wear us all out tomorrow. I do need to be there for my kidlets for sure.
What you were saying about the head/heart thing...
I can't tell you how many times in my head I said, if anyone else were to tell me this, I would tell them to get out fast. But then the heart says something else entirely.
It is confusing...
It's hard. It defies logic. This is the most illogical thing I have ever experienced. Not to mention unorganized, chaotic, and just plain crazy.
It is enough to make any sane person question all of the things that you are, have, and will question.
I have learned that you will think you have answered your questions and then something will happen and you will have to look in that mirror again. And again.
No one can tell you how to get there unfortunately, we all have to find our own way. But we can tell you what worked for us, or how we view things to maybe give you a perspective that you might not had thought of.
You are strong, you get stronger everyday, and you know in your heart exactly where you should be going. You recognize what makes you start to spin, and you have a good handle on slowing it down. I know it would be great to stop it all together, but sometimes just slowing it down is the best we can do.
Have a wonderful day because you choose to.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
