A marriage where both partners are seen as equals, respected in both mind and body, loved without conditions, free to speak without fear of ridicule or judgment.
My H says he wants a wife who is an equal, but his actions don't seem to match his words.
A marriage where both partners are seen as equals, respected in both mind and body, loved without conditions, free to speak without fear of ridicule or judgment.
How does swinging fit into that definition?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
A marriage where both partners are seen as equals, respected in both mind and body, loved without conditions, free to speak without fear of ridicule or judgment.
My H says he wants a wife who is an equal, but his actions don't seem to match his words.
I was hoping you would key in on the respect part.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
When he says 'equal' what he means is 'same'. Meaning same as him, same as what he thinks, same as what he wants, same as what he feels.
He does not want an equal partner. He wants a little Barbie doll that he can dress and pose as he likes, carry around with him and play his little pretend games. The doll has no wants, no thoughts or feelings, and no autonomy save those which he imparts to her.
THAT'S what he wants.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
He wants a little Barbie doll that he can dress and pose as he likes, carry around with him and play his little pretend games. The doll has no wants, no thoughts or feelings, and no autonomy save those which he imparts to her.
THAT'S what he wants.
Patricia Evans (Author of "The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it & How to Respond") calls it "being his teddy-bear".
Same concept... no separate individuals (the two literally become "one") When you attempt to show him you think, feel or act differently than he.. he will attempt to control, gaslight, or verbally abuse you.
Spouses who are exposed to this treatment over time describe themselves as 'invisible', "a chameleon", "drowning", "suffocating", "hidden behind a wall"..
When confronted with their behaviour.. they tend to rebel and it gets worse because it goes against their core value of who they believe themselves to be... they don't want to see themselves as you see them.. it's too ugly.
Find your own strength, set your own boundaries in a way that is safe.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
He told the MC last night that swinging is a minor issue for him. He says that his biggest frustration is that I don't tell him what I'm really thinking, and he can't figure out why.
