Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

So your boundaries which should be about your well-being are selfish? What are some examples of your "lines in the sand?" How did you phrase them?

She rarely asks anything of me. She wants to do her own thing and doesn't seem to care what I do. When there was a guy posting stuff on her FB page I told her this was unacceptible and was an insult to me as I am still her husband. She threw a fit, but eventually told me she saw this was disrespectful and asked the guy to stop posting.

My boundaries have really not been about what I will and will not do, but more of what I will and will not accept. Every time she told me she was moving out I would tell her that she has not tried to fix our marriage. She told me to stop trying. I refused. I told her that I am sorry she feels this way, but she will never get validation from me that D is OK. especially without trying to fix anything.

This is what generally sent her into hysterics. I would tell her that I cannot stop her from going, but she will not get validation from me. For some reason, she really seems to need this from me.

Boundaries are about behaviors someone does that you will not allow to happen to you.

"When you do this______________, I feel _______________. I will not allow that to happen anymore, if you continue to do it then I will _____________." It's not personal, it's not mean, it's healthy and it's productive. Think thru it.

You're right. She's so damn illogical though. I have worded things very similarly in the past and her response has been a ton of anger with her yelling "this isn't all about you," or "stop trying to make this about you" and even "It doesn't matter what you want." Followed of course by her acting like all was fine the next day.

I guess I'll have to contunie to do these things even if she does fly off the handle. Just for my own self respect and sanity.