I agree with the sex part, but I disagree with the OM part.
My W made a promise to me to "forsake all others". Perhaps your word doesn't mean anything to you, but it does to me. I've heard all the excuses, but an affair is an affair no matter which way you try to justify it - even if OM was "gentle and understanding". If your husband is a butt-hole, then divorce him, but do it right.
You know what, I don't like talking about the A but I do because I do it for the purpose of sharing information. Explaining. Explaining is not justifying. I did not say I did the right thing, I'm explaining how it felt.
But I will tell you this, you don't know the FIRST f**king thing about being married to an abuser. Okay, I'm sorry that after being treated like a no-good dog for 15 years that I didn't take the high road and become superhuman, Mother friggin Teresa, somehow emotionally healthy and always appropriate and "do it right." He took vows to love honor and cherish and beat me down instead. I did the WRONG THING, I SAID it was the wrong thing, but I don't have to justify myself to anybody standing on this earth. Got that?
I also don't have to expose myself in this way to try to help THE GUY get his wife back. Got that? But I do because I hope it will help someone. So save your sanctimony for someone else.
Quote:
That being said, if my W agreed to MC, I would not say a word about the OM. In my opinion, if she agrees to MC, then the OM is not all that and is fading fast, otherwise, he'd be her world, and MC wouldn't be an option. On that point, we completely agree. It would absolutely be worth getting with an objective person, and letting W spill her guts, talk about her feelings. Perception is reality, and sometimes you have to recognize that, no matter if you think W's feelings are crazy, they are WHAT SHE FEELS!
Which was my point.
Quote:
However, going forward, for the R to have any possible chance of moving toward reconciliation, even friendship, the OM would have to go. And I don't mean just go - I mean never see again, not a single text, not a single phone call, not any f2f, NOTHING.
Of course.
Quote:
If that's the "Taking Charge approach or getting his nuts back", then that's what it is, but it's right. If she didn't like it, she could go back to Mr. Gentle and Understanding, and see how long that lasted.
Sometimes, doing the right thing is more important than anything else. I can live with myself doing that.
THE POINT is that when she said she was willing to go to MC, he was gentle and understanding. He has every right to have TOUGH BOUNDARIES. HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY IT??? NO WONDER YOU CAN'T HEAR YOUR WIVES!!
