"Needs to experience independence?" It takes tearing apart a family to experience independence? Why not take a week and go hiking in Europe?
So, because you establish respect for yourself and appropriate boundaries, you're a selfish person? I got the same response from my W, but when I stood by the boundaries in a firm but appropriate manner, that argument sort of whithered on the vine. There is a difference between being a jerk, and being a strong MAN. Being strong and kind doesn't mean you don't wish for her happiness.
I'm not sure you're ready to hear what I have to say, so I'll leave it alone for now, but I suggest you mark this conversation, and come back in a few months. I honestly hope I'm wrong, and you are one of the >1% where being there makes a difference. You described a woman who is shut off - she can give you her body, but not her heart/mind/soul.
Again, I still wonder how damaging your family to get independence accomplishes anything, but I'm a glass half full kind of guy, and my hope is that it opens her eyes, and you all come together in an amazing way.
I'll simply suggest that you be kind and loving, but draw a line - if you don't like the word boundary. If she moves out, no more ML, no more money beyond what is agreed on, no helping her move out, none of that. If she truly wants independence, give it to her.
You need to make your own decisions, but I've been through the same exact thing. W said she needed to move out and accomplish things on her own, "be free", gain her independence. She even dismissed our divorce, and refused to do a dissolution - saying she wanted to be friends and work on things - said I was "changed", and a wonderful dad, and so smart and capable. She started dating OM less than two months later.
I am glad to see that you have kept your responses short and sweet, and not brought up the relationship - I think you are on the right track. As long as it's her coming to you, keep being genuine, kind - desirable!
