I’m not sure what to make of this counselor. I’m not real happy with him. I’m glad I have an IC appt. tomorrow.
First off, H did not have a list of goals ready. He just didn’t do it since we didn’t talk about it or anything. The MC did ask him if it was possible that he didn’t because he had no interest in working on the M, or maybe too busy at work, etc. Since he didn’t have any, we discussed my goals.
Goals 1 and 2: H reiterated that he might consider dropping the swinging if he was happy again in our marriage but couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t want to resume it later. Big red flag here- Swinging is NOT something you pursue when you’re unhappy in your marriage, it’s for when you are in a SECURE marriage and both parties wholeheartedly agree.
Goal 4: H acknowledged that we had previously discussed him seeing a sleep therapist for his chronic insomnia. He just has to get off his butt and do it.
Goal 5: IC for both of us went unanswered.
Goal 6: GAL as a couple and individually went unanswered.
Goal 3 was the focus of last night since improved communication can help with many of the other goals. We discussed the issue a bit and the MC had us do that listening and repeat exercise for a while. He said that often he gets frustrated and then condescending when talking/arguing with me because I don’t give him any indication that I understand what he’s saying. I don’t get that- what’s his definition of “indication of understanding”? Agreeing with him? I pointed out that there should be a way for H to disagree with me without making me feel like an idiot in the process. Some other communication issues were also brought up, but those were minor.
I also mentioned the convo with H from the night before- what H said about that not being the real me at the previous session. He responds with, Really? So H would like to see you that open and honest more often? H- Yeah, that is what I would like to see. B********T!!! H and i were talking after we got home and he said he felt ambushed that first session because I was so organized. How does "i felt ambushed" get turned into "that wasn’t the real you. You're not that good"? So it had to be that if he felt ambushed, he had to lash out and knock me down. It’s not my fault if he wasn’t ready himself- he knew the appointment was coming.
He asked if I had been working on these issues for the last 7 months with the IC, why didn’t I clue him in on it? I didn’t have an answer for that one.
H did notice I looked like I felt emotionally beat up at home afterwards. At least he was correct in that observation- I still feel drained from it.
