So, some more of the woman's point of view here, since Tristan is actually married to...a woman. Caution, some may view this as a stereotype, gasp!
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and how comes you didnt take the sex when she was apparently making herself available to you? that pre-connection will make for a much better marriage counselling experience for y'all.
See, that's GENERALLY a man's point of view. Sex fixes everything and makes you so connected. That's how MEN feel.
You're dealing with a very confused person. To give in to the feelings of the moment could have just left her more confused and freaked out. For all you know she could have started crying in the middle of it saying I don't know what I'm doing!!! Personally, I think it's great, she wanted it, he said not yet...he didn't satisfy it, so now he's the one she "can't have" in a manner of speaking. I thought everyone was so big on the unavailability thing.
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The other man has got to go you do realize that?
EVERYONE realizes that. This is a matter of finesse. Look that one up in the dictionary. There seems to be a strong viewpoint here of "taking charge" and being a man and blah blah blah blah. Treat "your woman" like she's your teenage daughter. All I can tell you is that wouldn't work for me. It also didn't work when I was a teenage daughter.
I guarantee you that when she first said she'd go to MC, and the next thing Tristan said was well you have to get rid of OM this minute she'd either get defensive and freak out OR cry and agree in the moment to do something she hasn't thought through or was actually prepared to do. And then swing back and forth some more.
He's letting her think about it. He's approaching MC as her equal not her father. They may even HAVE the opportunity to broach this topic before MC starts. She already feels guilty. If OM is pressuring her, Tristan looks like a dream right now. He's being patient and giving her some room to make the right decision. Because it's the right decision.
Let me make something clear...I think Tristan has EVERY RIGHT TO and should set boundaries, and say, I can't work on this marriage if you're still involved with someone else. Then she actually gets to say what she needs from him.
Now, if she's still in lala land and reacts in such a way that she seems surprised she should have to do this, or she can't bring herself to do it or whatever, then he can calmly "walk away from the table." That's too bad, W, maybe we can talk again when you're ready. Or maybe it will be too late then.
What has he wasted? A week? Two? To save a marriage years in the making?
You can think her feelings are wrong or crazy or stupid, but she still has them and you can't just order them away. Giving her this SMALL AMOUNT of time will SAVE TIME in the end. Forcing a decision a week or two too soon could lead to a bunch of bullsh!t and backsliding later that could be avoided.
All I can tell you, is that when my husband applies the Taking Charge approach or getting his nuts back or whatever the HELL you want to call it, I can't get away from him fast enough. It's repulsive. And when he's like that, I hate it, but I it makes me miss OM and crave talking to him because he was always gentle and understanding. That's because he was faking of course, but (ROB ARE YOU LISTENING) that was like a drug that was way better than "new and exciting sex" y'all are so obsessed about.
She might have made "the ultimate" mistake but he still has to treat her like an equal if he wants it to work out in the long run.
