It's been a good weekend - W and I have done a lot of good stuff together - some fun, some busy. I'm actually proud of us - we both get high-strung, irritable, stressed out when things get busy, when the boys are fussy, when things get complicated (for example, babysitters cancelling at the last minute, getting lost, etc.) - and we both held it together pretty well this weekend. We each knew what was going on with ourselves, and we each dealt with it well. Good stuff!
W is so impressed I'm reading things like 5LL. I believe hers are (1) acts of service, and (2) gifts and quality time. I think mine are (1) physical touch and (2) quality time. She still expresses that she is so thrilled that I've dug in and have worked on this stuff so hard.
She continues saying how happy she is, how much she loves me, etc. - really cementing in my mind that she's not going anywhere. I still, though, still feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. How do you get over this?? I'm happy and all, but I don't feel estatic yet because I'm still a little wary. I guess time will do it.
Anyway, she talks about working up to the sex thing, going forward with increasing intimacy. We kiss a lot, and she thinks that's a good thing - good for where we are right now. She's frustrated that we tried to have sex, but is happy that she did stop it and maintain her boundaries. It's good - this is what she needs to work on, and I want to support that... so no sex.
Well, some day we'll sleep in the same bed again.
We looked at ordering cabinets for the garage today; got paint for the house, painted splotches of color on the walls here and there to see what we like and try to "live with it" for a while before we decide on the colors. W is really excited about decorating (we moved in a year ago, newly-built home). We're working on so many things now - she feels like "nesting" she says - which is good - she's really working on making this house her home.
We've spent so much time together, going out now - I think the effects of the "M-trouble crash diet" are reversed now from all the meals out. We've been having a good time - talking about parties and company for the holidays. Seems like we're cutting lose, really - much of the time since July seems like a bad dream, almost. I mentioned today that anyone that's known what's going on, seeing us now, kissing in public and all, would think we're just nuts. She agreed. She actually ran up and jumped on me in the movie theatre today - I caught her and hugged her - he he he. It's like a new lease on life!
I'm really happy y'all - I just recognize that there's still a ways to go.
Talking about my W in the past few posts - this passage made me think of her, I went back and found it. This is from Dr. Phil McGraw's Relationship Rescue
...At our next meeting Bob, typically a man of few words, asked for a few minutes to tell us about his spot in the southern Rocky Mountains. It is a place he visits every year, without fail, although it's a challenging three-hour hike from the nearest navigable road. Twelve thousand feet above sea level, tucked between two jagged ridges, is a forest clearing that nobody knows about but Bob. He described it for us as a "pocket of peace," not more than two hundred feet in diameter, surrounded by white-trunked aspen trees. The handful of boulders that are sprinked about are covered in moss, and the grass, though plentiful, gets such limited sunlight that it grows only a quarter of an inch every year. He told us that the turf is so delicate that he has found his boot prints there years after he made them. In telling us of this idyllic place, Bob spoke with a passion that charmed the entire assembly; it was as if we had each taken a seat on one of those green boulders and were trying not to disrupt the calm. Clearly, Bob's "spot" afforded him a sense of tranquility and utter contentment. All of us understoof how fragile and beautiful a place it must be.
Bob then announced that he recognized there was another such place in his world, one just as fragile and precious. The second, he said, was the intimate and private world of the woman he loved. He said that it had dawned on him, as she disclosed certain details about herself to him, that he needed to treat her private world with the same gentleness and respect with which he entered his private retreat every year. He said he was determined to afford her world as much reverence as he gave his Rocky Mountain paradise. At the time of his participation in the seminar, Bob was married to his fifth wife. I can assure you that this shift in sensitivity forever changed his perspective on that relationship. He has now been married to the same woman for twelve years, and they are happier than they've ever been. I wonder why.
We've been having a good time - talking about parties and company for the holidays. Seems like we're cutting lose, really - much of the time since July seems like a bad dream, almost. I mentioned today that anyone that's known what's going on, seeing us now, kissing in public and all, would think we're just nuts. She agreed. She actually ran up and jumped on me in the movie theatre today - I caught her and hugged her - he he he. It's like a new lease on life!
