You can start the process - it is not a quick one. Even with an uncontested divorce, I'm guessing the minimum if it absolutely flies through would be 2 months, but it varies.
Just make sure that your boundaries are for you, and not like "I'll show HER." Review your statements like "I cannot allow her to do what she is doing."
You can't stop her from doing anything. Tell me what your reaction will be, not what you'll do to stop her?
For example, my W was incredibly disrespectful to me - and I laid down the law. Obviously, by choosing divorce, she has chosen to give up 50% of her children's lives. Her choice. I still send her pictures of our outings because she misses everything, and pass on anecdotes occasionally. Probably stupid, but I want her to be involved in the kids' lives. I simply told her that if she was ever disrespectful to me again, I would cut her off from every experience. I explained that I could not and would not control what she says, but I was establishing a boundary, and it was her choice to accept the consequences if she chose to cross it. So then, I establish what I will tolerate, but I leave the choice entirely in her hands.
It is a fine line - because when you try to say that they can't do something, it is perceived as an attempt to control - whether you mean it or not.
Start the process. She will have a few glorious months of being free and ready for anything, and on top of the world. It's exciting to feel like you're escaping your problems, but I guarantee it won't last long. What is important at this point is for you to detach, and start building your own new life. The worst case is that you become healthy and happy, the best case is that she realizes she's an idiot, and wants to move back in.
