My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

I feel like yesterday may have been a turning point for me. I'm not sure if I would describe it as 'getting it', I think I get it/got it in an afternoon after reading the book. For me the challenge seems to be accepting it. Those who know me really well can attest to the fact that I stay busy, especially in my head, way busy. Like so many of us my curse is also my blessing. I hope to someday soon fall asleep or wake-up and not be thinking about this stuff. I'd even settle for thinking about it positively. Accepting and giving up on the things I can't control, that's my nemesis.

When I left W a year ago she was gracious. She probably spent weeks even months in a terrible emotional place. As I write this I think how much I hate myself for doing that to her. She is a saint.

After telling her I wanted to go forward with D two nights ago she said on the phone that she couldn't talk about it. I complained that she won't talk about anything with me. She said I'll call you tonight or we can set another time. We hung up. I texted her and said I was going to bed and couldn't talk that night. Since then no communication except the email I sent to her (posted here yesterday) and a kid-focused phone call and brief f2f yesterday. Anyway, basically since our conversation two nights ago she has gone dark on me, not returning my communications. I have basically stopped communicating anyway based on advice here.

So in my mind I'm thinking of all the negative reasons why she's quiet. That of course causes me to think preemptive strike/offense. See how that works?