My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[aliveandkicking]

Apparently there are a few vices...hmmmmm

True of everyone, yes?

[RedSoxFan]

I feel like yesterday may have been a turning point for me. I'm not sure if I would describe it as 'getting it', I think I get it/got it in an afternoon after reading the book. For me the challenge seems to be accepting it. Those who know me really well can attest to the fact that I stay busy, especially in my head, way busy. Like so many of us my curse is also my blessing. I hope to someday soon fall asleep or wake-up and not be thinking about this stuff. I'd even settle for thinking about it positively. Accepting and giving up on the things I can't control, that's my nemesis.

When I left W a year ago she was gracious. She probably spent weeks even months in a terrible emotional place. As I write this I think how much I hate myself for doing that to her. She is a saint.

After telling her I wanted to go forward with D two nights ago she said on the phone that she couldn't talk about it. I complained that she won't talk about anything with me. She said I'll call you tonight or we can set another time. We hung up. I texted her and said I was going to bed and couldn't talk that night. Since then no communication except the email I sent to her (posted here yesterday) and a kid-focused phone call and brief f2f yesterday. Anyway, basically since our conversation two nights ago she has gone dark on me, not returning my communications. I have basically stopped communicating anyway based on advice here.

So in my mind I'm thinking of all the negative reasons why she's quiet. That of course causes me to think preemptive strike/offense. See how that works?

[JayMan]

Again, this is where this forum becomes such a blessing. Post all of your vents on here.

The urge to make a preemptive strike can become almost overwhelming - trust me, I've been there. I've sat and sweated through the silence before, but it's always been worth it, and I think just about everyone on here will agree with me.

You have made yourself clear to your W - she knows how you feel, and that you want the marriage back. But just keep reminding yourself she is fighting resentment, bitterness, etc. I can picture herself asking, "Why NOW? Does he expect me to just forgive him, and he can waltz in like nothing happened?"

I don't know your dynamics, but hang tough, hang tight. Be cordial if she approaches you, but absolutely no "temperature taking", no R talk - if you have to stuff a washcloth in your mouth, do it.

[RedSoxFan]

Thanks JonF! Good advice. Thanks for being here.

[aliveandkicking]

I feel like yesterday may have been a turning point for me. I'm not sure if I would describe it as 'getting it', I think I get it/got it in an afternoon after reading the book. For me the challenge seems to be accepting it. Those who know me really well can attest to the fact that I stay busy, especially in my head, way busy. Like so many of us my curse is also my blessing. I hope to someday soon fall asleep or wake-up and not be thinking about this stuff. I'd even settle for thinking about it positively. Accepting and giving up on the things I can't control, that's my nemesis.

When I left W a year ago she was gracious. She probably spent weeks even months in a terrible emotional place. As I write this I think how much I hate myself for doing that to her. She is a saint.

After telling her I wanted to go forward with D two nights ago she said on the phone that she couldn't talk about it. I complained that she won't talk about anything with me. She said I'll call you tonight or we can set another time. We hung up. I texted her and said I was going to bed and couldn't talk that night. Since then no communication except the email I sent to her (posted here yesterday) and a kid-focused phone call and brief f2f yesterday. Anyway, basically since our conversation two nights ago she has gone dark on me, not returning my communications. I have basically stopped communicating anyway based on advice here.

So in my mind I'm thinking of all the negative reasons why she's quiet. That of course causes me to think preemptive strike/offense. See how that works?

RSF- You are really making progress. You are gaining humility and calming down...you're introspective but balanced and honest. Your tone has changed. Give yourself credit.

[RedSoxFan]

RSF- You are really making progress. You are gaining humility and calming down...you're introspective but balanced and honest. Your tone has changed. Give yourself credit.

Thanks for the reinforcement. Appreciated!!

[Coach]

I stay busy, especially in my head, way busy

Commonly known as "Monkey Brain."

Accepting and giving up on the things I can't control, that's my nemesis.

It's not giving up, it's letting go of the outcome. Do you know how to catch a monkey? Put a nut in a box with a hole just little smaller than the monkey's hand. The monkey will grab the nut in his fist and not be able to pull it out. His stubborness in holding onto the nut allows him to be captured. To be free all the monkey has to do is let go of the nut. Some monkeys have to learn the hard way though.

[billclay18]

After telling her I wanted to go forward with D two nights ago she said on the phone that she couldn't talk about it. I complained that she won't talk about anything with me. She said I'll call you tonight or we can set another time. We hung up. I texted her and said I was going to bed and couldn't talk that night. Since then no communication except the email I sent to her (posted here yesterday) and a kid-focused phone call and brief f2f yesterday. Anyway, basically since our conversation two nights ago she has gone dark on me, not returning my communications. I have basically stopped communicating anyway based on advice here.

So in my mind I'm thinking of all the negative reasons why she's quiet. That of course causes me to think preemptive strike/offense. See how that works?

RSF,

I swear to God you are like a hyperactive kid in need of a dose of Ritalin.

Let me ask you...other than kid related contact, what the longest you've gone without any contact with your W since you've been here? You don't hear from her for 2 days and you think she's going dark? You think she's conjuring up her evil plan? In my book, no contact is better than bad contact...for both of you. Except for 2 emails from my W a couple of days ago I've no contact at all with her for a month and I feel great. I've removed myself from the drama...drama that I have no control of. Has it helped my sitch? No...but it's helped me.

BTW...I think it's hilarious that you're not a Red Sox fan or from Boston. My name's not Bill Clay either, just a character from a movie.

[Stronger]

Still sitting still?

[RedSoxFan]

Still sitting still?

yep...fidgeting, but sitting