Met with therapist, do have add and good news she's also a marriage counselor. She agreed that wife is after me and to use my gifts. She mentioned if I'd been on DB, I said oh yeah I'm famous. She said to ask for now, for a little do this from someone, that I have a Type A, upset spouse.
Didn't make the mistake with this therapist, I didn't tell her who my wife was, didn't show one email, deleted them anyway and no notes and paid cash for the visit.
She did know of the other cnslr was seeing, "that's why he's in an agency."
She said No more med's until I'm thru this.
My filing coment was a knee jerk,to you guys and you're the only ones that heard it, sorry about that, the comment from wife about seeing them when convenient to them, really thru me off, i could care less about the house,every day felt like the last day anyway, when I was there.
emails at work now say out of office reply.I think the car was the last of it,she told me she isn't wearing wedding ring and all pics of me are gone,notes,clothes moved.But pic's of her kids and her family on display.Never asked where they were.
There was no subconsious to wanting to email her,she hurt me and she knew how to hurt me and I know she had said over and over didn't want me to have the relationship with kids that she has with her dad,he had worked his butt off and ended up divorced after 26 yrs to wife's mom and guess who filed that one.MIL.
I really think subconsciously she had planned this all these yrs, what's the term?
And yes you were right on with what I meant on every word back to her. But I was using words that she has said to me in the last 60 days.And what if I had done any of that to her. Does an MLC'er have any compassion or flipping rational thinking at all?NO figuring that out.
And I copied someone else on the running out of do-overs. I'm not threatening, she won't talk!
So I guess I need to cut her off so she'll talk. Is that what you guys had been meaning all along?
the dinner part,it was two favorite snacks the kids have,definately not enough to feed a family.Dinner was the wrong term.
So yes I'm struggling w/ the pertanent and not pertanent info.
The house stuff really caught me off guard.All of it.
That is why, when you put something on the board, and you don't know how to handle it, you wait. And you come back and you look and read before you act. It doesn't usually take us long.
We are all going through stuff, and are all at different stages.
We are here to help each other, deal with and understand our feelings, see the bigger picture.
When we tell you not to talk, not to reply, whatever, it is because we have been there. Almost everyone posting to you, is way further down the road. We know what doesn't work. Mostly by making the mistakes that you are making.
We try, very hard, to guide others, to help them avoid making those same mistakes.
Can we guarantee you your marriage? NO NO NO. In no way, shape, or form.
Can we keep you from turning this into a situation where everyone walks away with anger, hatred, and regrets? YES.
The silence, right now is for both of you.
It is time for you to work on you and let her do her thing. She will talk when she is ready.
You may be D'd, like Trapt, or maybe not. You never know. Go read, learn, listen.
Time is on your side if you get out of your own way.
None of what we are telling you is a ploy, a way to manipulate, or a magic solution. It is really what you have to do. It is the only way to come out of this a better person.
Some people resist. Some people don't hang around long enough to see what happens. Everyone has to make their own choices about how long or if they really want to do this.
You haven't really even done that yet. You will if you give yourself a chance.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
