I posted in the newcomers but needed advice

[swimmingupstream]

Takes some real brass ones on your part....but I'm very curious as to what his reaction would be.

It is really funny that you said that. For 10 years I have given in to him. I have accepted his apology after he said mean things while drinking. I have given in to him recently about coming and sleeping with him in the basement for the night. I do not stand up for myself and when I do it comes across the wrong way. Over the years I have begged him to stay...begged him to love me and now I am not doing that anymore. I have told him over the past few weeks that I am happy and that I am ready to let him go..I am not sure that is what he really wants. I have not responded as he has expected me to. I am still walking on eggshells a bit and that is because I do not want him to leave. I still have to work on me and know that I am a loving, caring, friendly, smart, beautiful, athletic and creative person and that he is losing ALOT! I want him to see that. I really want him for ONCE to be scared of losing me and that has been the biggest part of our battle for the last 10 years. He could care less if I was there or not and he never thinks nice things about me or is happy to have me in his life..that has been part of my neediness. Alot of people have told me to get a backbone..That I have so much to offer. So...last week he seemed like he had changed a bit but this week it is back to same old crap..the one thing..I have been giving in again..looking for jobs for him( he said he hated his job) and trying to give support for an ultra marathon he is going to run. Wow. He is so up and down..one day it is hugging and loving touches..the next it is nice but he backs away from that kind of stuff. I feel like I am a game to him.