Great advice Sandi. The only thing I'll add is there's no reason you can't stay the nice guy AND be secretive. I think that makes it even worse for the WAW, because it seems like you are bothered even less by their silly behavior. You've got more important things going on in your life than worrying about whatever she's doing, and you're certainly not going to be something less than the nice guy you are because of anything she's doing.
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Until your W feels that she has more to lose by leaving (or having an A), then she won't consider the true devastating loss. To a WAW, the grass is greener on the other side until something gets her attention.
As I go through this, I'm realizing more and more that what she says here is 100% correct, and that is the true power available to the LBS. It's only when my W sees me really going away that she starts coming after me, and it's not a conscious reaction. I believe her actual feelings for me are significantly intensified and her feelings for OM are reduced when she fears losing me. When she senses that I'm still there for her, the feelings for me subside and those for OM grow. Quite a bizarre little psychological phenomenon actually!
Future,
Good points here. I've picked up on a little bit of this phenomenon myself with my W- but it is very faint. Regarding being a nice guy, I don't think you can go wrong with that approach. I'm still alternating between being neutral and being polite and kind with my W.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
