i really feel for you in your situation. It's actually a bit like looking into a mirror. Too similar a situation to my own.

I actually agree with you about the fear of failing. i don't like that feeling either, and feel you are doing the right thing by giving it your all...trying everything you can until your heart and mind have had enough. At least then, you can say you did give it your all.

I'd recommend putting up a boundary in regards to S. I can only assume you have S living with you right now. If so, don't allow H to delegate to you when, how, and where he can see son.

me 32
H 30
T 8 years
M ~5 years
DD 3 years
first d-bomb dec 06
second bomb may 07
third bomb july 08
finally seperated jan 09
a move for "progress'" sake may 11