need support

[MommaDucki]

i really feel for you in your situation. It's actually a bit like looking into a mirror. Too similar a situation to my own.

I actually agree with you about the fear of failing. i don't like that feeling either, and feel you are doing the right thing by giving it your all...trying everything you can until your heart and mind have had enough. At least then, you can say you did give it your all.

I'd recommend putting up a boundary in regards to S. I can only assume you have S living with you right now. If so, don't allow H to delegate to you when, how, and where he can see son.

[MommaDucki]

oops! forgot to add a bit...
about H and S? I know what you're going through with S. I have a 19 month old D. Every time my H does come to visit, she won't sleep in her bed either. She roams around the house knocking on doors asking for him...it just breaks my heart.

This shouldn't and doesn't mean you shouldn't allow H to see S, but maybe you could better set your own personal boundary for what you will or will not tolerate in terms of how he and S spend time together? i.e. maybe you could plan outtings where H wouldn't come to the house to see S? I know it's hard, but know you're strong enough to weather this!

[awest1217]

Thank you so much! It helps to know that other people are going through the same problems. It is so hard to see S doing so well for so long and then H decides he needs to see S and it all goes down the drain. I am really trying to just move on, but it seems H is in control because if whenever he is wanting a "family" he comes home, but if not he is with OW. It just drives me crazy. On top of the fact that H, keeps saying "don't give up on me". I just want to say "you already gave up, why shouldn't I?" but I know that is not best and will not help my goal.

Oh well, just keep on going. I know one day it will all be over. I just am excited for that day.