I think our marriage is on the mend.

[june72]

I let him know- you have pulled out the reconciliation card in the past and retracted in with a day or two. How in the world do I know this is legit on your end. He stated something to the effect well I have seem changes in your and you continue to state that you would like us back together so I figured if you were trying so could I.

I have to admit I was starting to really pull back. I was losing interest in sex and let him know the reasons. Which he was fine with. I told him I can keep having sex with someone who "hates" me and has no love for me. I am feeling used here. I told him a few times sex has to stop and did stop on and off. It had trickled down to very infrequently.

I mean I still was putting in effort but also once we hit the one year mark- it was a big date for me. I was like, I have really put forth a lot of effort for over a year (yes with lots of setbacks on my end) and we are still at this impasse. I mean I'm not losing faith but caring less about it all. I was starting to think- and what is so grand about him? What makes him so desirable. Things like that.

So I am cautious and honestly waiting for the bottom to fall out. I think he knows that I am not really willing to go through this again. I asked him Why? Why all the months of "it over for us"? He stated he really didn't know what to do any more, that the situation was just miserable. OK, I would think that continuing MC would have been a WAY, smarter decision to make. But, ok, whatever.

I know this- I have been in email contact with a marriage counselor who is pro-marriage and asked for available appointment days and we are so going. I mean I would be a fool to not follow through on that.

So that's what's us with us I guess. I'll see how it goes. We have both agreed to leave all the baggage from the past in the past and kind of try to have a fresh start with nothing tarnishing our views of each other. I mean it's the sensible thing to do. I am just not foolish enough to forget b/c I will always be the wiser from past mistakes and hurts.