Well I'm tired and ready for bed...for some reason I've felt a lot of conflicting emotions tonight...I find myself getting off the fence I think and being committed to sticking this out, and yet that realization made me cry some. Because I know it's still going to be pretty hard. I guess things would be pretty hard no matter which path I choose. I somehow feel like a door is closing though, and I'm giving away the last hope for freedom. I hope I'm making the right decision. I feel like it is, but I still feel the tears.
A nice moment to tell about, when we went out on my birthday, I'd invited him to come with me to get some new art supplies for a project i want to do. He seemed to be happy to be invited. that was a big change for me, because I've set out to do those things, me things, on my own. But I asked him to come. I remembered why I don't when we first got there though, because he tried to get me to change what kind of brushes I wanted even after I explained why I chose them. Then he went and got an employee who, I swear, told him word for word the same thing I said about the brushes. So then he agreed. But the nice thing was I was explaining to the guy that I was a complete novice and I really didn't need anything special because it was for fun and I wasn't talented or anything, and my H said to him with sincerity, she's a really good artist, she just doesn't know it. I almost fell over!
The rest of the evening was fine, he wanted me to be happy. Then there was a crazy fight with S12 but he made it up at the end.
I'm tired. I hope I sleep well tonight. I know this alcohol thing isn't over. He's creeping back into drinking more, which I knew was going to happen. But he's NOT driving around. I guess I have to stick to the AA mantra One Day At A Time. I've spent time with my sponsor lately, and I get a lot of counsel from a recovered alcoholic guy I'm friends with.
