I think our marriage is on the mend.

[june72]

So, updates on things with us.
Family has been well. Hubby still on steriods for health issues,he has follow-up's with some consults. All his lab work is ok though.
Younger son has CT this Friday and his sed rate dropped to 8!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!! Hurray!! So cancer is off the table. Options were discussed- IGG imunoglobulin, Naproxin, some medication used to threat arthritis and inflammatory bowel. He is sick with Strep (got it from me) and his sed rate jumped back up again. I don't understand- if I understand correctly- this does not happen to most kids. He is just sick so much and his weight is dropping again. To darn thin, way to darn thin.
The rash and sore joints I had- my son's rheumy stated were due to Strep. How funny is that.

So, had another R talk (how the heck do we get into those). Hubby still professing how he does not love me etc. I keep my stance but this time let him know that while I will continue for a goal of reconciliation it was a big mistake to marry him. I don't regret the kids- I mean it was meant to be but I had anxiety about us getting married. And then was unsure if we should more forward with kids. I mean it always seemed like we would fight so much and didn't respect each other's feelings.

I let him know that I could care less at this point if he would love me again or not. I am fine, more than fine. I also let him know that what is best for the kids is us together. I also stated that if he was on his deathbed. I would see him as the greatest love of my life and still loved him. He stated he would not have feelings of love if I was on my deathbed. Little harsh but didn't faze me.

Too much stuff was said to remember but I do remember telling him something of the effect of. I could care less at this point if you love me or not. I am in a place where I am fine with myself with or without yhim. I mean the preference if for us to work. But there will be no tears on my end if it totally ends. Something like that. And that I had no interest in dating anyone else. I would just be by myself at that point. We were just talking hypotheticals.

So about an hour later- I hugged him, b/c that is me and I knew he would be ok with it. I stated ILY and so did he. I told him you are not obligated to say it and he stated he wasn't he wanted to reconcile. To be honest shock of my life. I mean he has so staunchly insisted an hour ago that he did not love me.

So 14 months and now back to being together? I am stupefied. I was not planning for this at this time. I had my gameplan (stay the course) and modified it along the way. But honestly I was blindsided.

SO that was three days ago and I actually see him putting forth lots of effort. I mean really trying and again- I am honestly quite shocked by it all.