Sandi, thank you for the incredible amount of 2x4s thrown my way :-) keep them comming. I learned this evening (this is not something I had a choice in) that my wife is movign forward in renting a one bedroom apartment for herself to live in on the weekds. She has the funds to pay, and she is doing it. We shall see how that turns out.
It still keeps me here with the boys while i am not traveling for work. And to me, that is a major win!
I gotta go back and read through your posting again when my eyes are more awake. I feel like there is an incrediable amount of information in it form me that will be helpful.
As an aside, earlier in the afternoon, she confessed that this divorce is about her getting a chance to go out a date other people to see what it is like. Does that fit the WAW description?
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Wow Shell, there seems to be a lot of commonality in our situations. Yeah, my wife has proposed that rotate-in-and-out-of-the-house thing; the kids shouldn't leave the house. She's said, wouldn't it be great if we could just be in the same house indefinitely - said she can't imagine us all not living in this house. She's talked about us spending holidays and taking vacations together. Same thing - we're going to be a family but not married.
Sandi, I'm going to read your post a couple more times too. Good stuff. Others have been telling me similar things.
Sandi is SPOT ON! Read, re-read, then RE-READ her post.
So let W get her weekend getaway apt. You, of course, will NOT pay a dime toward it. Not to be an a$$, but b/c she is going to be a Big Girl and pay for it herself. You cannot stop her from ... dating ... but let her know that if she does, it's part of the D. Vote with your $. It's EASY to be fabulous when someone else is footing the bill. Reality IS that if/when she leaves you, you will not fund her fun. She might as well taste that now.
Do not call her. Do not text her. Speak when spoken to. Only communicate about the kids. And make yourself scarce. Drinks with buddies. Go to a game. Get out and GAL. Call GIMA. He'll buy drinks Buy clothes. Buy shoes. But colgne. Buy books. Do something very different. Shell shock HER.
Cheers. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Yeah, my wife has proposed that rotate-in-and-out-of-the-house thing; the kids shouldn't leave the house. She's said, wouldn't it be great if we could just be in the same house indefinitely - said she can't imagine us all not living in this house. She's talked about us spending holidays and taking vacations together. Same thing - we're going to be a family but not married.
Cake eating.
This (above quote) is how my college age children live. They live in their dorm/apt , don't tell me where they spend their time, come home for holidays and go on our vacations, hug me occassionally, leave their pets with me, ask for money...
Fellas ~ cut it out.
Ladies ~ Big Girl Panties...Put 'em on.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Yeah, my wife has proposed that rotate-in-and-out-of-the-house thing; the kids shouldn't leave the house. She's said, wouldn't it be great if we could just be in the same house indefinitely - said she can't imagine us all not living in this house. She's talked about us spending holidays and taking vacations together. Same thing - we're going to be a family but not married.
Cake eating.
This (above quote) is how my college age children live. They live in their dorm/apt , don't tell me where they spend their time, come home for holidays and go on our vacations, hug me occassionally, leave their pets with me, ask for money...
Fellas ~ cut it out.
Ladies ~ Big Girl Panties...Put 'em on.
What she said!
Guys, I hope you can see how ludicrous the idea of "playing house" without being M'd is. Thats just crazy talk.
Thank you Sandi & Greek. This is stuff I need to keep reading over and over again. It needs to be pounded into my head daily.
It's like having the playbook for the other team.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Buy clothes. Buy shoes. But colgne. Buy books. Do something very different. Shell shock HER.