In Limbo

[d1adsl5a]

When I was out with my sons saturday night, one got physically sick because mommy wasn't with us. I'm doing ok, but when we do things separately it is really hurting the kids.

The Wife and I haven't had an argument in a couple weeks. Sunday she started. There were just somethings I had to say. I followed up with a letter...I feel it was me setting my boundaries. First time I really did that...The letter was as follows.

"Woke up this morning thinking about the fight we had, about the kids, about us. It has been five months since this has started. When we have those kind of fights like yesterday, I feel like nothing has changed for you in five months. I have been working very hard on making a better me. I know that you are trying to make something of your self. I understand that is what you feel that will move you into the person you want to be. I do wonder how our marriage fits into that. You saw the anger in me yesterday because I do get tired of having the same argument. You still bring up the same issues every fight. We can’t move forward until you are able to work past those issues. That is part of the reason I questioned you the way I did on scheduling time with a Therapist to work on trying to move past those issues. It is frustrating when you see an avenue for you to work on things with a therapist and you don’t take it. Maybe you are thinking you can do it on your own. I don’t know because we don’t really talk about things all that much. When we do, it usually ends up the way it did on Sunday. You say you want to go to Retrouville to see if anything is left. I do believe that there is something left for you, otherwise you would have walked out the door by now or pushed for a divorce. One of the main things about Retrouville is about trying to put the past behind you and moving forward.



We can’t change what we said or how we acted in the first few months of this. I wasn’t in your shoes and you were not in mine. We have both had a hard time understanding what the pain has been like for each other. My intent has never been to slander you. You are the mother of Our children. Regardless, that doesn’t negate the reasons you wanting out of this marriage in the first place. I do wonder now what is holding you back from trying to work on us: I get mixed messages every argument. Yesterday it was what happened after you dropped the bomb of wanting out of the marriage and what I said to your friends, sometimes it is the controlling piece, other times it was my insomnia and me not wanting to go out, or you just marrying me because your father approved and that there hasn’t nor ever been any really love for me.



In the end, it is about trying to look forward if this family unit is to remain. It is now how to put the past behind us and find each other again. I will have to do the same things at Retrouville of putting the past behind me. You may not care about my feelings, but you are not the only one who has gone through horrible pain.



The one thing I have realized through all this is that staying together for the kids is not the best thing for the kids or us. You have seen how it has affected them so far. This is not healthy for them. They deserve to see a loving a family. A mother and father to show them what it is like to love. I need to be happy, you need to be happy. The other thing I have learned through all this is that life is about choices and consequences to those choices.



I am not sure what the kids say to you when you are with them without me. When the boys and I are out together, I don’t tell you what they say about us to you. I do console them and say nice things about you especially when things happen they way they did with Justin Saturday night. I am not pitting them against you. I am telling them that mommy and daddy love them very much and we are going through a tough time just as they sometimes do with each other."


Didn't get much response as expected. Maybe that was a good thing.