First...the divorce is final. I got the piece of paper in the mail on Saturday. It hit our local papers yesterday. I didn't even put my marriage announcement in the paper.
Today I got an email from H asking about D15 and her grades. It was a fairly long email basically saying that he didn't know what to do to help her. All last year I received similar emails from him and, quite frankly, it has been exhausting dealing with D15 and then dealing with H. But I have responded to each one patiently. Today I responded as I have in the past. The bottom line is that he is looking for a quick fix and there is none.
He responded with a derogatory term aimed at me. The email was obviously sent to me in error. He even tried to recall the email, but I got the notice that he was trying to recall it. I resisted the urge to respond in kind, but I was angry and hurt.
Thirty minutes later he sent an email saying that he owed me a huge apology. He said he was discussing D15's problems with his sister and his efforts to address them with me. He was not happy with my response and was frustrated and wanted to forward it to his sister, but accidently sent it to me. He said that I would have every right to be angry and that bad feelings have been building for a long time. He meant the comment as a flippant, harmless comment but realizes that it isn't.
He went on to say that he needed to get past these feelings to do a better job of parenting and he realizes that this has been difficult for me and he often loses sight of this.
He said that he doesn't expect that I will accept his apology and he hoped that he reached a point where he can mark a ppoint where he can try and put things behind him.
He then said he was apologizing for so much more than this email. He feels his anger toward me is a result of the guilt he feels. He said he knows that he hurt me and the girls and that his apologies are from the heart. He said that he has wanted to send this for so long but thought that it would be construed as trying to get something in the divorce settlement. He said he wanted to stop projecting anger at himself onto me. He said he had this war with me playing in his mind and he wants it to stop. He said that I can still be angry at him for everything, but he just wants me to know that he recognizes the mistakes that he has made and that he is sorry. He said he feels bad about sending the email but worse for how he has treated me and that I got so much less than I deserved. He ended the email by saying that it is easier to be angry at someone other than yourself.
I know that this is a rollercoaster ride and there are highs and lows, but in no way did I expect this.
I really need help guys! How do I respond? I feel the need to acknowledge the email, but really don't want to go into any of this. I have been walking on eggshells for over two years and feel the need to continue this path. I don't believe he is anywhere near the end of the tunnel and honestly believe this is just guilt at getting caught in sending the bad email. And finally, I really don't want to go into the hurt he has caused. What good would it do? But how do I respond?!?!?!
