Hi MJ and mnt_dreams....thanks girls....you were right...so what?
I wrote him that I didn't want anything expensive for my birthday. And then I said it really makes me mad that he brings up my test every time I ask him about plans for the future. The idiot cannot make a decision more than 2 seconds ahead of himself. He is the exact opposite of the man I knew. For God's sake, make a decision. I know I'm not supposed to press him and I have NOT pressed since that first week after he gave me the papers....but, for some reason I am angry.
He has email/texted/called me 5 times since last tueday. He told me he is having dreams about me. He told me he misses me. And yet, I am reacting to all this with ANGER.
He called me within 15 min of me writing that email....and we talked for almost an hour. I feel almost worse about it, cuz he apologized for putting me thru so much stress.
He said he will think of something creative and thoughtful for my birthday present instead of just spending money. He apologized if I felt offended.....said he wasn't trying to upset me even though it may have seemed like it on text. SIGH.
I asked him to start thinking about what he is going to do for thanksgiving bc I have that entire weekend off. He said he will try....I told him I didn't think it was fair for him to expect me to face my issues when he is procrastinating his own growth.
He agreed and said he will try....WHATEVER!! That means "yeah, yeah, next"
Anyways, why did I react so emotionally to him? Its my own mistake. If I am struggling I should have written on this board....Instead, I reacted to my emotions of that time instead of thinking, waiting, thinking and then acting.
I won't do that again. I have promised myself that next time I have any emotional reaction to him, I will just write here first. I was doing so well with him....I just reminded him of the old me....emotional and needy. AHHH!
Needy bc I have signed up to take my exam in November and I am scared cuz I am exhausted usually and now I have to come home and study. I was commenting on that exact fact and that it was going to be difficult...and its stressing me out. And then I came home yesterday and got the final divorce papers. Signed, Sealed, and Delivered. Sigh.
On the other hand I'm not perfect, right? HA!! Today all day I wondered what the heck happened to me....can't really figure it out. I feel very emotional these days...and exhausted. Not sure but it may have all just added together yesterday. Who knows.
Anyways thanks for your support. Here is to a better day tomorrow. Hope you both are doing well.
