Though in your sitch, what you are doing seems to be working - so keep doing it. Also, remember that there is an OW in my sitch. I might be a lot less self-protective if there weren't. I am a sexual abuse/assault survivor, and while all of that is ancient history I have to be careful of a few triggers or I suffer for it.
Not letting someone have unbridled access to my heart and body unless I'm 100% safe is a big-deal boundary thing for me. And with OW in the picture, I am not 100% safe.
YMMV
I'm a similar survivor. I've been tempted to give him sex in an attempt for love (past pattern). Best to hold firm on our own safety boundaries. you're doing great.