REmind yourself - it's only to give her space. You acknowledge that what works is accepting and letting her make her choices. She gets less defensive and more open. Keep trying this.
It will still hurt. Keep your hurt for yourself to work through. I'm trying to remind myself daily "My H has not divorced me. He is here quite a lot. I need to give him space to feel lonesome without me - and not be able to blame me for making him miserable. I need him to have space to make himself miserable! also, I need the space. I need to have time alone without conflicts, issues, chasing, blaming - Just making me happy."
It is so hard but we can do it. I also freaked out when H started showing me bigger places he wants to move to. I remember the positive - hey, I'm in the house. It's hard for him to be in a tiny studio apt. I have it ok."
Keep reminding yourself she isn't gone. She hasn't filed papers. There is still lots of hope.
